Revelation #1: Hellboy II Proves Why Comic Book Sequels Are Always Better Than The Original

As part of my ongoing nerd duty, I saw Hellboy II this weekend. As expected, it was an innovative joy ride and the reason I love comic book sequels. If you read the site on a regular basis, you know I’m not the biggest fan of origin stories. I find them a necessary evil. They need to exist to introduce the audience to a comic book backstory, but they’re very cookie cutter and don’t often leave enough room for interesting villains, or much else for that matter. Hellboy II wastes very little time with back story. We get a 10 minute intro setting up the rest of the movie, and then we’re off. Del Toro has too much new stuff to show us, so he doesn’t bother with the history lessons. Another thing that’s so successful about this sequel is that we’re not wallowing in the pitfalls of superhero-dom. No one’s crying about great power and great responsibility. No one wishes they were just normal. These are heroes who embrace their gifts, and their emotions depend on character interaction. Take, for instance, the moment when Hellboy goes public. If this were Spider-Man, the entire movie would hinge on this story — most likely Aunt May and Mary Jane would be in danger because Spider-Man’s identity was revealed. Here, Hellboy embraces his stardom, and when it doesn’t quite work out, it’s simply added motivation for his character. Sure he’s pissed that people don’t love him, but does he wallow in it? No! He gets drunk and sings love songs. The story here is too big to get trapped in those comic book conventions, and it’s much more interesting to see Hellboy and his girlfriend work through their problems than seeing Hellboy wishing he was just like everyone else.

Revelation #2: Tooth Fairies Are Frightening!

There are a ton of new, visually stunning characters in the new Hellboy (if you haven’t heard yet, the Troll Market scene is like the Mos Eisley Cantina on steroids), but one new character is particularly nasty. It’s the Tooth Fairy. The Tooth Fairies show up early in the movie, but long after it ended, I was still thinking about them. Let’s just say they have a taste for teeth, and their chewing sounds like tiny little circular saws. They’re a nasty twist on the whole, “Tiny Attacking Bugs” scene that populates so many movies, and just one of, like, a thousand crazy beasts in the Hellboy universe.

Revelation #3: Aliens Vs. Predator Requiem Is An Effective Movie — If the Effect Was To Officially Destroy Two Franchises At Once

I finally got around to watching AVPR, which has been sitting on my coffee table since 5/22. (I think Netflix displays their shipping dates just to shame you when you realize how long you’ve had a movie and haven’t actually watched it.) I was dreading the experience, even though the red band trailer looked promising, practically screaming, “We’ve atoned for the PG-13 sins of AVP! We swear!!” I had reason to be wary. AVP was a mess, taking two successful R-rated franchises, jamming them in the studio meat grinder, and squeezing out a convoluted, PG-13 turd. Somehow that movie made enough money to warrant a sequel, but it created enough fanboy frustration that the studio allowed the next movie to be rated R. So, they added a whole bunch of disposable characters, upped the gore quotient, had a pregnant woman give birth to a littler of aliens, and called it a day.

The movie is awful, spending a half hour developing characters we know are only there to serve as victims. Why do I care if the pizza delivery guy makes out with his lifelong crush when I’m positive she’s gonna get mounted on a wall by a Predator boomerang? The Predator/Alien fights seem like an afterthought. And not only that, you can’t see anything. The whole movie is drenched in so much darkness, it felt like I was wearing a veil. Everything is DARK. It’s not ATMOSPHERIC. It’s just fucking dark. You can’t see anything. What’s the point of making it R if you can’t see it? All those really cool deaths in the red band trailer are reduced to a murky blur. You’re constantly squinting to figure out whether that’s an alien, or a predator, or a predalien (Yes, there’s a predalien. No, it doesn’t do a goddamn thing). Neither Aliens or Predators had to be in this movie. It could have been any other threat to the humans, because that’s what the directors seemed interested in. It could have been an outbreak of a really bad whooping cough and the movie would have been the same. It reduced these two huge franchises to a subplot in a small town. It really was a depressing movie experience.

Revelation #4: Logical Sequel Naming Is Alien To This Franchise

By the way, how confusing is it to have a sequel to a spin-off of two different franchises? Not only that, but the titles don’t even match up. The first spin-off mash-up bull-shit was called Alien Versus Predator. Simple, straightforward. It’s fine. So the sequel should logically be called Alien Versus Predator 2, right? Wrong. It’s called Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem. Aliens? Why AlienS? Plural?? There was more than one Alien in the first movie, why is that one just Alien? And there was more than one Predator in the first one, so why isn’t that plural? If they’re really going to stick to this whole plural business, shouldn’t the first movie be called Aliens Vs. Predators? Who made the decision to add the S? Was it a decision at all, or did everyone just forget? Of course, this isn’t the first time the Alien franchise has fucked with its sequel names. Let’s take a look, shall we?

The first movie was called Alien. That made sense because there was only one alien. Off to a good start. The sequel was titled Aliens. This also made sense because there were a shit ton of aliens. But then, Alien 3 came along. And for whatever reason, the graphic looked like the movie was actually titled Alien To The Third Power. And that didn’t make any sense, because there was only one alien in the movie. And finally, there was Alien: Resurrection, which added a subtitle, but lost an S even though there are a bunch of aliens. Was the Aliens part of Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem a nod to the first sequel? If so, was the Requiem subtitle a nod to the third sequel? I get the feeling everything in AVPR was less of a nod and more of an epileptic spasm.

Revelation #5: OMG! The Dark Knight is the Godfather II of Comic Book Movies!!

Hey, have you heard? The Dark Knight is The Godfather II of Comic Book Movies?? That’s right. Only about 12 people have seen the movie so far, but it’s already being called The Godfather II of comic book movies. In fact, every time I hear The Dark Knight mentioned, I have to hear that it’s also the Godfather II of comic book movies. It hasn’t even come out yet! That doesn’t stop people from tossing out hyperbole though. And why is anyone surprised? There are 200 comic book movies a year, eventually one of them had to transcend the genre and just be considered “great” without adding “for a comic book movie” as qualifier. By the way, can you build up expectations any more than calling something The Godfather II of its field?? “Oh, you have a bad back? You should see Dr. Smith. He’s like the Godfather II of chiropractors.” “I’m totally drafting Peyton Manning on my fantasy team this season. He’s the Godfather II of the Manning Brothers.” “You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch. It’s the Godfather II of brothels.” Of course, the implication of Godfather II means that while it’s great, it’s also got a dark side. So it’s more like, ‘You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch, easily the Godfather II of brothels. It’s the best lay of your life, but you’ll probably walk out with a disease.”

This entry was posted on Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 9:51 am and is filed under Film, Weekend Revelations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Revelation #1: Hellboy II Proves Why Comic Book Sequels Are Always Better Than The Original

As part of my ongoing nerd duty, I saw Hellboy II this weekend. As expected, it was an innovative joy ride and the reason I love comic book sequels. If you read the site on a regular basis, you know I’m not the biggest fan of origin stories. I find them a necessary evil. They need to exist to introduce the audience to a comic book backstory, but they’re very cookie cutter and don’t often leave enough room for interesting villains, or much else for that matter. Hellboy II wastes very little time with back story. We get a 10 minute intro setting up the rest of the movie, and then we’re off. Del Toro has too much new stuff to show us, so he doesn’t bother with the history lessons. Another thing that’s so successful about this sequel is that we’re not wallowing in the pitfalls of superhero-dom. No one’s crying about great power and great responsibility. No one wishes they were just normal. These are heroes who embrace their gifts, and their emotions depend on character interaction. Take, for instance, the moment when Hellboy goes public. If this were Spider-Man, the entire movie would hinge on this story — most likely Aunt May and Mary Jane would be in danger because Spider-Man’s identity was revealed. Here, Hellboy embraces his stardom, and when it doesn’t quite work out, it’s simply added motivation for his character. Sure he’s pissed that people don’t love him, but does he wallow in it? No! He gets drunk and sings love songs. The story here is too big to get trapped in those comic book conventions, and it’s much more interesting to see Hellboy and his girlfriend work through their problems than seeing Hellboy wishing he was just like everyone else.

Revelation #2: Tooth Fairies Are Frightening!

There are a ton of new, visually stunning characters in the new Hellboy (if you haven’t heard yet, the Troll Market scene is like the Mos Eisley Cantina on steroids), but one new character is particularly nasty. It’s the Tooth Fairy. The Tooth Fairies show up early in the movie, but long after it ended, I was still thinking about them. Let’s just say they have a taste for teeth, and their chewing sounds like tiny little circular saws. They’re a nasty twist on the whole, “Tiny Attacking Bugs” scene that populates so many movies, and just one of, like, a thousand crazy beasts in the Hellboy universe.

Revelation #3: Aliens Vs. Predator Requiem Is An Effective Movie — If the Effect Was To Officially Destroy Two Franchises At Once

I finally got around to watching AVPR, which has been sitting on my coffee table since 5/22. (I think Netflix displays their shipping dates just to shame you when you realize how long you’ve had a movie and haven’t actually watched it.) I was dreading the experience, even though the red band trailer looked promising, practically screaming, “We’ve atoned for the PG-13 sins of AVP! We swear!!” I had reason to be wary. AVP was a mess, taking two successful R-rated franchises, jamming them in the studio meat grinder, and squeezing out a convoluted, PG-13 turd. Somehow that movie made enough money to warrant a sequel, but it created enough fanboy frustration that the studio allowed the next movie to be rated R. So, they added a whole bunch of disposable characters, upped the gore quotient, had a pregnant woman give birth to a littler of aliens, and called it a day.

The movie is awful, spending a half hour developing characters we know are only there to serve as victims. Why do I care if the pizza delivery guy makes out with his lifelong crush when I’m positive she’s gonna get mounted on a wall by a Predator boomerang? The Predator/Alien fights seem like an afterthought. And not only that, you can’t see anything. The whole movie is drenched in so much darkness, it felt like I was wearing a veil. Everything is DARK. It’s not ATMOSPHERIC. It’s just fucking dark. You can’t see anything. What’s the point of making it R if you can’t see it? All those really cool deaths in the red band trailer are reduced to a murky blur. You’re constantly squinting to figure out whether that’s an alien, or a predator, or a predalien (Yes, there’s a predalien. No, it doesn’t do a goddamn thing). Neither Aliens or Predators had to be in this movie. It could have been any other threat to the humans, because that’s what the directors seemed interested in. It could have been an outbreak of a really bad whooping cough and the movie would have been the same. It reduced these two huge franchises to a subplot in a small town. It really was a depressing movie experience.

Revelation #4: Logical Sequel Naming Is Alien To This Franchise

By the way, how confusing is it to have a sequel to a spin-off of two different franchises? Not only that, but the titles don’t even match up. The first spin-off mash-up bull-shit was called Alien Versus Predator. Simple, straightforward. It’s fine. So the sequel should logically be called Alien Versus Predator 2, right? Wrong. It’s called Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem. Aliens? Why AlienS? Plural?? There was more than one Alien in the first movie, why is that one just Alien? And there was more than one Predator in the first one, so why isn’t that plural? If they’re really going to stick to this whole plural business, shouldn’t the first movie be called Aliens Vs. Predators? Who made the decision to add the S? Was it a decision at all, or did everyone just forget? Of course, this isn’t the first time the Alien franchise has fucked with its sequel names. Let’s take a look, shall we?

The first movie was called Alien. That made sense because there was only one alien. Off to a good start. The sequel was titled Aliens. This also made sense because there were a shit ton of aliens. But then, Alien 3 came along. And for whatever reason, the graphic looked like the movie was actually titled Alien To The Third Power. And that didn’t make any sense, because there was only one alien in the movie. And finally, there was Alien: Resurrection, which added a subtitle, but lost an S even though there are a bunch of aliens. Was the Aliens part of Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem a nod to the first sequel? If so, was the Requiem subtitle a nod to the third sequel? I get the feeling everything in AVPR was less of a nod and more of an epileptic spasm.

Revelation #5: OMG! The Dark Knight is the Godfather II of Comic Book Movies!!

Hey, have you heard? The Dark Knight is The Godfather II of Comic Book Movies?? That’s right. Only about 12 people have seen the movie so far, but it’s already being called The Godfather II of comic book movies. In fact, every time I hear The Dark Knight mentioned, I have to hear that it’s also the Godfather II of comic book movies. It hasn’t even come out yet! That doesn’t stop people from tossing out hyperbole though. And why is anyone surprised? There are 200 comic book movies a year, eventually one of them had to transcend the genre and just be considered “great” without adding “for a comic book movie” as qualifier. By the way, can you build up expectations any more than calling something The Godfather II of its field?? “Oh, you have a bad back? You should see Dr. Smith. He’s like the Godfather II of chiropractors.” “I’m totally drafting Peyton Manning on my fantasy team this season. He’s the Godfather II of the Manning Brothers.” “You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch. It’s the Godfather II of brothels.” Of course, the implication of Godfather II means that while it’s great, it’s also got a dark side. So it’s more like, ‘You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch, easily the Godfather II of brothels. It’s the best lay of your life, but you’ll probably walk out with a disease.”

This entry was posted on Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 9:51 am and is filed under Film, Weekend Revelations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.