Hey there. How was your weekend? Mine was filled with revelations. See, the weekend is generally the time I watch the most movies and television, usually compiling a list in my head of notes and observations that would otherwise go unheard. Aren’t you lucky?
Revelation #1: Semi-Pro actually was 1/10 as funny as those Old Spice Commercials
Yes, it is enjoyable to hear Will Ferrell yell “Cocksucker!” numerous times, but Semi-Pro comes off as two completely separate movies. One movie stars Will Ferrell as a one-hit wonder musician turned basketball owner. He acts wacky, yells at people, and throws around nonsequiters in an attempt to get a laugh. The other movie stars Woody Harrelson as an aging basketball player destined to turn around an ABA team. He even gets his own generic “sports movie love story” for the audience to follow, which plays exactly like Jake Taylor’s relationship from Major League, except in Semi-Pro, the boyfriend is a big fan of his girlfriend’s ex. The two movies really have nothing to do with each other. In fact, everyone in the movie seems to be playing it fairly straight, with the exception of Will Ferrell. I don’t recall Woody Harrelson delivering one joke. The problem is, I’ve seen both movies presented in Semi-Pro. They’re called “Every Movie Will Ferrell Has Ever Made” and “Every Underdog Sports Movie Ever Made.” I’m probably being too harsh on it. When I watched the movie, I laughed a few times, especially at the obligatory announcer Dick Pepperfield. But, as I said in my Sticky Floor preview way back, this movie really had the Blades of Glory vibe — mild, slightly entertaining, but ultimately missing an opportunity for greatness.
Revelation #2: Diary of the Dead is 1/10 as good as Night of the Living Dead
Not to say it’s terrible, but Diary of the Dead is a frustrating experience. Essentially, this is Romero hitting the reset button on his own genre. The dead start coming to life in our present day of technology/information overload, but people still don’t know how to deal with it. The opening sequence is truly Romero-worthy and most of the social questions he raises are interesting. But that’s awkwardly balanced by characters who are too self-referential and direct with their messages. It doesn’t take long before you feel like you’re being hit over the head with the Obvious Hammer. The main characters are a bunch of college students. But not just any kind of college students. They’re FILM students! So one of them starts documenting what’s happening. Naturally, everyone gets annoyed with him, which in turn made me annoyed with them for complaining straight to camera. Along the way, they meet up with some truly interesting characters, such as an Amish fella and a band of military men. The movie hits a stride when they’re encountering other people, but any time it slows down to have them talk directly to camera about the horrors of technology and humanity, it slams on the brakes. Comparing this to Night of the Living Dead, (which isn’t fair, but necessary given they cover the same topic), Diary simply fails to match the horror of both the zombies and social topics broached. A handful of memorable scenes make this worth checking out, but I’d rather see a continuation of his original Dead series than follow the timeline presented here.
Revelation #3: Pork And Beans has already been done. A couple times.
I like the song. I find the video entertaining. But I read an LA Times article touting this as the perfect storm of YouTube culture, calling it, “unexpectedly compelling, and even literary.” They call it literary, even after acknowledging Miss Teen South Carolina as one of the video’s stars. The video is jammed with YouTube stars. Is there really a message to be gleaned from the Numa Numa guy that we didn’t already learn on South Park?
By the way, everyone must have missed this video from the Barenaked Ladies, released last year, which features some of the same YouTube “stars”:
Not quite a new concept. And certainly not literary or revolutionary. But hey, it’s a good song.
Revelation #4: The Real Super Mario Bros. 2 is FRICKIN’ IMPOSSIBLE!
This is the game deemed too difficult for Americans, which is why it was never released here until it hit the Virtual Console on Wii (Although it was available on the SNES cartridge Super Mario All Stars as “The Lost Levels.”) Any good will and memories you may have of the original Super Mario Bros. is shattered by the time you reach World 2 in SMB 2. I actually set aside time this weekend to focus and do some real damage in this game, and the furthest I got was to the castle on level 2-4. Then Bowser killed me. This game is menacing, unforgiving, and a staunch reminder that video games today are much easier than they were back in the day. Er, back in Japan. I have no doubt if this were released here in ’86, I would have spent countless hours learning all the warps and avoiding the fake Bowsers, but these days, I’ll be lucky to make it to World 3.
