Hey there. How was your weekend? Mine was filled with revelations. See, the weekend is generally the time I watch the most movies and television, usually compiling a list in my head of notes and observations that would otherwise go unheard. Aren’t you lucky?

Revelation #1: Cloverfuckinfield is perfectly suitable for the small screen.

For the most part, I really enjoyed Cloverfuckinfield. What’s not to love about a 75 minute movie? I’m happy to report that all the incidents of people getting sick from seeing this in the theaters doesn’t translate to home video. A TV doesn’t envelope your field of vision like a movie screen, making it easy to stay grounded during Hud’s truly awful cinematography. “People are going to want to see this,” he says at one point. That may be true, Hud, so how about holding the damn camera still so people can ACTUALLY SEE it?? Cloverfuckinfield does a few things right, namely by having tiny spider beasts, (which have yet to ever NOT be scary in a movie) and by creating a true sense of dread throughout. If the beast is some sort of allegory for 9/11, it seems kind of cheap to play off the audience’s fear of that. But taken as a monster movie, Cloverfuckinfield is A-okay in my book. And it’s not afraid to end when it should, instead of stretching out to the requisite 90 minutes!

Revelation #2: Southland Tales really is a terrible, incomprehensible movie.

Refer to my video below for the true horror I experienced with this movie. I was never a huge Donnie Darko fan, and I knew going in this was going to be a mess, but it’s pretty much unwatchable. It’s like one of those sci-fi ideas you would cook up as a ten-year-old, thinking you’re a genius for coming up with a story about twins who are actually the same person from different points in time! And if they touch, the universe explodes! Didn’t we cover that in Back To The Future? This movie is convoluted, meandering, and just plain silly. It’s supposed to cover heavy topics such as the apocalypse, terrorism, and restriction of freedom. Instead, it has you wondering things like, ‘Wow, haven’t seen Christoper Lambert in a long time,’ ‘How did he convince all these people to be in this movie?’ and ‘I kinda wish the real apocalypse would happen so this movie could end.’

Revelation #3: People were as ambivalent towards Prince Caspian as I was!

Sure, it made $55 million, but that’s about 15 million less than the first movie. Chances are this movie is going to disappear pretty quickly, especially going up against INDIANA FREAKIN’ JONES this week. In other news, Speed Racer only made about $8 million. This has to be one of the biggest bombs in recent history, right? That movie cost a ton!

Revelation #4: It’s Time For Rick Moranis To Make A Comeback.

Seriously, when was the last time you saw Rick Moranis? It probably wasn’t in 1997′s Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves, because no one saw that, but that’s the last time his image was committed to celluloid. What happened? 11 years and no one wants to put this guy in a movie? He was a pretty big comedy presence in the ’80s, you would think he’d get a bit part here or there. Something must have happened. I may just make it my mission to get the answer. Who else wants to see a documentary of the Nerd With Words traipsing around Toronto in search of Dark Helmet?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 at 12:43 am and is filed under Film, Weekend Revelations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.