Hey there. How was your weekend? Mine was filled with revelations. See, the weekend is generally the time I watch the most movies and television, usually compiling a list in my head of notes and observations that would otherwise go unheard. Aren’t you lucky?

Revelation #1: I Didn’t Miss Anything By Waiting Four Years To See Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle

Finally giving in to something I consciously denied myself the past four years, I watched Harold and Kumar this weekend. It turned out to be pretty much exactly what I suspected: a mild, inoffensive, and generally pleasant movie. Not exactly what you want in a comedy. Sure, Neil Patrick Harris was funny, and the idea of finding the perfect stoner food (and thinking it’s White Castle) is funny, but the movie itself just kinda came and went with only a handful of chuckles. The main characters of Harold and Kumar are likable in the same way that I like eating toast for breakfast — I don’t mind it, but would ditch toast in a second for some waffles. The subplots involving the EXTREME crew, love interests, and cheetahs fell flat and took away from a good, simple premise. I do commend it for being a stoner movie without a lot of blatant stoner jokes, but don’t forgive an unfunny scene involving the game “Battleshit.”

Revelation #2: SNL Doesn’t Need Hosts

Unless your last name is Walken, expect only bit parts and guest spots in someone else’s sketch. Aside from the opening monologue, hosts rarely play a pivotal role in the episode. Although I did like Shia Lebeouf as a magician in “It’s A Match”.

Revelation #3: Kelly Taylor’s Coming Back To 90210!

Jennie Garth is going to star in the 90210 spinoff. How will she be used in the show? As a guidance counselor at West Beverly. I guess that whole fashion business thing didn’t quite pan out. By the way, don’t you need some sort of education degree to become a counselor? Perhaps Kelly just turned in a resume of her life experience. If that’s the case, you could do worse than a girl who was raped, stalked, pregnant, not pregnant, caught in a fire, lured into a cult, addicted to drugs, and, I think, shot.

Revelation #4: Speed Racer: No One Cares

Surprise, surprise. Speed Racer raked in about the same amount of money as What Happens In Vegas this weekend ($20 million). I gave this a Matinee Recommendation based purely on the insane visuals, but this movie really has no audience. It’s definitely being marketed towards kids (as I witnessed Friday while watching about 10 minutes of Cartoon Network and being bombarded by literally 7 Speed Racer toy commercials and trailers), but kids have no connection to Speed Racer. It’s being marketed to nerds because it’s based on some weak anime cartoon and directed by the Wachowski’s. But nerds are prone to listen to anything they read on the internet, therefore proclaiming movies as failures before they see a single frame (And no, this is NOT the premise of Sticky Floor Friday). This movie would never pull in the female demographic, so I guess that only leaves old people who would actually remember the cartoon, and thrill seekers looking to endure an epileptic seizure. I’m shocked this movie didn’t make money!

This entry was posted on Monday, May 12th, 2008 at 8:52 am and is filed under Film, Weekend Revelations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.