Revelation #1: Paul Blart: Money Cow

Kevin James squeaked out another box office victory this weekend, taking down the Beckinsale-less Underworld and getting little resistance from Brendan Fraser and Inkheart. I think it’s safe to assume that children’s fantasy movies not named Harry are dead. This is at least the 7th one to fail in the past couple years (City Of Ember, Golden Compass, Prince Caspian, Nim’s Island, Spiderwick Chronicles, The Last Mimsy, The Seeker ). Is it the quality of the movies, or do kids today not want to journey to fantastical lands anymore? Or maybe they’re all flocking to Paul Blart instead. This is a Happy Madison production, but it’s not making Strange Wilderness money. It’s making Sandler money! (And getting Sandler-level reviews. It’s a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes.) Probably seems like comedy gold to 13-year-olds. Moustache + Segway + fat jokes = Box Office Bonanza.

Revelation #2: God Created Blu-Ray So We Could Watch Rambo Shred Bodies In HD.

My buddy brought over his Blu-Ray player this weekend so I could see the quality on my TV and determine if it’s worth the purchase. Our first experiment was with Rambo, an extremely bloody movie any way you look at it, but when that carnage is transferred to Blu-Ray it becomes something so much more. It’s a detailed symphony of flying body parts. Individual pieces of intestine can be seen flying across the screen! I never thought I’d be able to see what Burmese pirates ate for lunch earlier that day (Chicken Parmesan, I believe). Also, it’s fun to watch Rambo walk for 4 miles during the end credits. So is it worth the purchase? After you witness Rambo, buying a Blu-Ray’s as easy as breathing.

Revelation #3: I Have Seen Pluto Nash

I’m still alive. You’ll see how it went this week.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 26th, 2009 at 10:02 am and is filed under Film. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.