National Treasure 2
What? You can’t wait two days to see the original treasure hunter return to theaters?? Good god, man, how much treasure seeking do you demand in one week? You shouldn’t have to settle for a pale imitation! I know some people dig the National Treasure movies for their fluffiness. Just remember how things get fluffy. By being whipped. By Indiana Jones.
THE VERDICT: HOLD OFF A FEW DAYS FOR THE REAL DEAL!
Strange Wilderness
For anyone who thinks I’ve been too stingy on Sticky Floor Friday, you can always reference my Strange Wilderness matinée recommendation as proof of slack standards. I seem to recall the box office being especially slow that weekend, and I may or may not have been under the influence of four too many Fun Dip packets. Regardless, this movie was made for a video audience, and will probably play on each of the 10 HBO channels for about three months straight.
THE VERDICT: RENT IF STONED, WAIT FOR HBO IF TOO STONED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
Games
Wii Fit
Hey Fatty! Jump on this board! Oh my god, you’re fat! Play this game non-stop to lose weight! How old are you? Oh. Ten? Oops. Well the Wii Fit is finally here, and aside from spawning too many video game jokes in my head to catalog, it’s taking the right step towards forcing lazy kids to move around the living room a little bit. The problem comes in when ten-year-olds complain that the game called them fat. It’s only a matter of time before someone sues Nintendo because the game didn’t make them skinny.
THE VERDICT: BUY IT IF YOU RARELY SEE SUNLIGHT!
National Treasure 2
What? You can’t wait two days to see the original treasure hunter return to theaters?? Good god, man, how much treasure seeking do you demand in one week? You shouldn’t have to settle for a pale imitation! I know some people dig the National Treasure movies for their fluffiness. Just remember how things get fluffy. By being whipped. By Indiana Jones.
THE VERDICT: HOLD OFF A FEW DAYS FOR THE REAL DEAL!
Strange Wilderness
For anyone who thinks I’ve been too stingy on Sticky Floor Friday, you can always reference my Strange Wilderness matinée recommendation as proof of slack standards. I seem to recall the box office being especially slow that weekend, and I may or may not have been under the influence of four too many Fun Dip packets. Regardless, this movie was made for a video audience, and will probably play on each of the 10 HBO channels for about three months straight.
THE VERDICT: RENT IF STONED, WAIT FOR HBO IF TOO STONED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
Games
Wii Fit
Hey Fatty! Jump on this board! Oh my god, you’re fat! Play this game non-stop to lose weight! How old are you? Oh. Ten? Oops. Well the Wii Fit is finally here, and aside from spawning too many video game jokes in my head to catalog, it’s taking the right step towards forcing lazy kids to move around the living room a little bit. The problem comes in when ten-year-olds complain that the game called them fat. It’s only a matter of time before someone sues Nintendo because the game didn’t make them skinny.
THE VERDICT: BUY IT IF YOU RARELY SEE SUNLIGHT!
