Troll 2

Horror Subgenre: Unintentional Comedy

Ohhh yes. I’ve been hip-pocketing this one a while now, waiting to unleash it onto the unsuspecting masses. It’s time to talk a little Troll 2, the worst horror movie of all time!

So why would I want to talk about a horrible horror movie? Because there’s something magical about this retarded collection of moving images (even calling it a film would be giving it too much credit). This is, top to bottom, the funniest unintentional comedy I’ve ever seen. For instance, the name of the movie is Troll 2. But guess what? There are NO TROLLS to be found. Not a one. They’re goblins. We know this because the name of the town is called Nilbog, and a crucial plot point revolves around the main character realizing Nilbog spelled backwards is goblin! But trolls aren’t the only thing missing from this movie - it’s also missing actors. It’s very clear no one in Troll 2 has been in front of a camera before. The guy who plays the dad is a dentist in real life. A dentist! So keep this in mind: The trolls in Troll 2 are goblins, and the actors are dentists.

Did I mention the goblins are actually midgets in burlap sacks and Dollar Store Halloween masks? ‘Cause they are. See for yourself:

The fact that there aren’t even any Trolls (or actors, or budget, or script, or sense of self respect) bumps this thing into its own class of genius.T2 is about…Okay, it’s not really about anything. There’s a kid who talks to his dead grandpa. The grandpa convinces the kid to piss all over his family’s dinner, which consists of donuts. And then goblins show up and harass the family with sack lunches.

That’s pretty much the plot summary. But it’s not so much what Troll 2 is about as what it embodies. There’s a spirit of suckiness here that far transcends the “so bad it’s good” theory. It’s beyond bad. And because of that, it’s beyond good. It is its own entity. It causes me to use words like ‘suckiness’ to describe it, but you’ll notice I also used words like ‘genius.’ Troll 2 fits into the category of “Never watch this alone with the lights out,” because if you watch it alone, you won’t have anyone to turn to and crack jokes, and if the lights are out, you’ll just fall asleep. Troll 2 is an abomination worth ripping apart with friends, so pass out the beers, pop this junk in the DVD player, and let the jokes fly.

To quote an exchange from this symphony of suck:

…And that trick was making Troll 2.

MUST-SEE MOMENT: Technically, none of these moments should be seen by anyone, but the dinner scene where Joshua gets up on the table and pees on the food is probably the pinnacle and really showcases the level of quality we’re dealing with.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 pm and is filed under Film, Horror Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Troll 2

Horror Subgenre: Unintentional Comedy

Ohhh yes. I’ve been hip-pocketing this one a while now, waiting to unleash it onto the unsuspecting masses. It’s time to talk a little Troll 2, the worst horror movie of all time!

So why would I want to talk about a horrible horror movie? Because there’s something magical about this retarded collection of moving images (even calling it a film would be giving it too much credit). This is, top to bottom, the funniest unintentional comedy I’ve ever seen. For instance, the name of the movie is Troll 2. But guess what? There are NO TROLLS to be found. Not a one. They’re goblins. We know this because the name of the town is called Nilbog, and a crucial plot point revolves around the main character realizing Nilbog spelled backwards is goblin! But trolls aren’t the only thing missing from this movie - it’s also missing actors. It’s very clear no one in Troll 2 has been in front of a camera before. The guy who plays the dad is a dentist in real life. A dentist! So keep this in mind: The trolls in Troll 2 are goblins, and the actors are dentists.

Did I mention the goblins are actually midgets in burlap sacks and Dollar Store Halloween masks? ‘Cause they are. See for yourself:

The fact that there aren’t even any Trolls (or actors, or budget, or script, or sense of self respect) bumps this thing into its own class of genius.T2 is about…Okay, it’s not really about anything. There’s a kid who talks to his dead grandpa. The grandpa convinces the kid to piss all over his family’s dinner, which consists of donuts. And then goblins show up and harass the family with sack lunches.

That’s pretty much the plot summary. But it’s not so much what Troll 2 is about as what it embodies. There’s a spirit of suckiness here that far transcends the “so bad it’s good” theory. It’s beyond bad. And because of that, it’s beyond good. It is its own entity. It causes me to use words like ‘suckiness’ to describe it, but you’ll notice I also used words like ‘genius.’ Troll 2 fits into the category of “Never watch this alone with the lights out,” because if you watch it alone, you won’t have anyone to turn to and crack jokes, and if the lights are out, you’ll just fall asleep. Troll 2 is an abomination worth ripping apart with friends, so pass out the beers, pop this junk in the DVD player, and let the jokes fly.

To quote an exchange from this symphony of suck:

…And that trick was making Troll 2.

MUST-SEE MOMENT: Technically, none of these moments should be seen by anyone, but the dinner scene where Joshua gets up on the table and pees on the food is probably the pinnacle and really showcases the level of quality we’re dealing with.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 pm and is filed under Film, Horror Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.