Stupid vampires.
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November 21st, 2008 at 6:15 pm
oh, i’m sorry. i thought i saw that at the end of your funny talkie you were knocking on buffy. surely, i was wrong. because what could you possibly say that was bad about buffy? could it be that it was one of the best written shows on television ever? and i’m not saying that as a joss nerd, because i’m not. i don’t worship everything he does. some of the best episodes weren’t even written by him.
i have friends. and i’m not flocking to twilight. i gave the book a shot. and twilight was no harry potter (whose parents were married when he was born, btw). twilight was a borderline romance novel about a whiny girl would couldn’t understand why a monster would love her.
buffy was so much more.
i demand a retraction!
p.s. the nightmare before Christmas has very little to do with vampires.
also, one of your eyebrow hairs is still askew.
November 22nd, 2008 at 8:12 am
Totally uneeded knock on Nightmare Before Christmas! What’s you’re feeling on the non-Pixar Bolt releasing this week? I’m now off to look for my eye-liner.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I didn’t know Nick was a girl’s name.
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Oh Steven, how could you?
I thought I helped raise you better than this. Listen to the hate coming out of you! It’s as if you recently had your heart broken by something you had gotten your hopes up for, all ready to love, and now you can’t quite admit to yourself the truth.
Listen to your friend who reads the girlie books and watches the Buffy show and Nightmare Before Christmas. (That’s your buddy Nicholas, right? Finally he says something agreeable!) Now I hope I didn’t wrongly influence you as a boy to dislike all vampire stories… or even to dislike anything simply because some girls like them. How else is a heterosexual man to come to terms with what a woman wants if he can’t identify with the allure the “bad boy” has to some of us females? Oh I could tell you stories… but not in such a public forum.
As one of your elders, I’ll argue your five points against vampires:
1. Tans were not always cool. As you say in point 3, vampires are old, and 100 years ago, pale white skin was popular for Caucasians. A tan revealed you as a laborer, so pale skin was high class. Even today, some old fashion brides stay out of the sun weeks before their wedding.
2. Biting is a primal attack and primal fear. No one wants to be consumed. Who else bites, you ask? Dogs, wolves, snakes, tigers, bears… Ever see “Jaws?” Do you think sharks are lame? Vampires have an arsenal of weapons, depending on the author of the piece and what choices they made.
3. So old folks aren’t scary? I’m going to have to visit next Halloween. You made and then missed an interesting point: changing diapers IS scary! Maybe you should write a vampire with diapers movie! You can thank me in your Oscar speech.
4. You’re writing off all non-hot dog eaters, so vegetarians and religious folk. Granted, they can be scary as well, but then vampires are generally the bad guys… so if you don’t like vampires who don’t eat hot dogs, then doesn’t that make them good bad guys? Seems like a silly point, though.
5. Being out only at night is one of those choices authors make, usually making them weaker in the day, because night time is scary. You see, Steven, vampires are a genre of horror that plays on our fears of the dark, ancient evil, the unknown, superstition, dark magic, hypnotism, disease, death, zombies, foreigners, animals, being consumed, and an enemy that can’t be reasoned with, etc. Vampires are a stew of ingredients for an author to pick and choose. Also they’ve been a metaphor for sex for over a hundred years. Bram Stoker’s novel “Dracula” is quite graphic.
Stephen King once summed it up: “I’m not putting potent fluid in you, I’m taking it out. And you live forever to boot.” (Danse Macabre, 1985)
See you at Christmas?
Love, Grandma
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Grandma’s a little long winded.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Grandma Guerrs, please note: the Buffy lover is Nick E. NOT Nicholas B. I don’t watch tween comedramas nor do I read (at all.)
I do, however, enjoy Nightmare Before Christmas. That was needlessly lumped in there. You can, however, throw Corpse Bride in if you like. That one kind of blew.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Wow, who knew a throwaway line would cause so much drama. I know Nightmare has nothing to do with vampires, but I was speaking of a certain sect of nerds I like to call Fantasy Goths, who are overly obsessed with Buffy, Nightmare Before Christmas, Lord of the Rings — basically anything with a complicated, mythical backstory, and darkness. They speak Elvish, carry around little Jack Skellington dolls, and still talk about how awesome the Buffy musical episode is.
So no, I won’t be issuing a retraction.
I don’t trust vegetarians or religious folk either, so my point is still valid.
I am not swayed. Vampires remain lame. I’m also concerned by the fact that there’s someone out there impersonating my grandma. Mostly because my real grandma has been to this site.
By the way, I trimmed that stray eyebrow. It was permanently stuck in Emo mode.