I really wanted to like Fanboys. I did. I mean, this movie was made for people EXACTLY like me – obsessed, unapologetic Star Wars fans. It follows a group of four friends who, back in 1999, come up with a plan to sneak into Skywalker Ranch and steal a copy of The Phantom Menace so their friend can see it before he dies. I mean, come on! If I didn’t know better, I’d think I wrote this movie myself. Unfortunately, Fanboys was messier than Boba Fett’s trip to the Sarlacc Pit.

The movie’s turbulent history is well documented, having been cut, re-cut, re-shot, and re-cut again. Cameos and sound effects have been added to beef it up. It’s had cancer, it’s had its cancer go into remission, and it’s seen the cancer return. What comes out on the other end is a combination of 5 different cuts of a movie. It’s a big mess. In the end, the cancer storyline is in the movie, but just barely. It feels like an afterthought despite being the driving force of the action. And because of that, the character of Linus comes across as the worst cancer patient ever. It’s mentioned in the beginning of the movie (so they have a reason to go to Skywalker Ranch), then it’s ignored for an hour and only brought up at times when the film seems lost or requires poignancy. In its final form, it’s offensive how lightly they treat this dying kid, especially during a scene where ANOTHER character is complaining about how he doesn’t want to take over his dad’s car lot. Boo hoo, at least you’ll still be alive.

The other problem with this movie is that it’s a road trip film with no direction. Okay, we know the final destination, but the trek across country is so aimless, the characters actually take a detour to Iowa so they can make fun of Star Trek nerds. It’s preposterous and a waste of time. While I can appreciate a single scene showing the disdain between Star Wars and Trek fans, there’s no reason it should occupy 20 total minutes of the movie. Their stops are so arbitrary, I honestly forgot which character had cancer halfway through the movie.

Here’s a series of events to illustrate my point. Hutch’s (Dan Fogler) van breaks down for no reason, forcing them to enter a biker bar, which actually turns out to be a gay bar (surprise!), which they’re then forced to strip for no reason (haven’t we seen this before?), which gets broken up by Danny Trejo for no reason, who takes them out to the desert for no reason, and gets them high off peyote. In the morning they wake up, and Danny Trejo has fixed their van. For no reason. That’s about 10 minutes of the movie that A) feels rehashed from 10 other movies, B) does nothing to advance the characters, and C) has nothing to do with Star Wars. It takes away from the core of the movie and isn’t entertaining.

There are more strange occurrences in this movie, such as the cameos. Billy Dee Williams plays Judge Reinhold, which would have been funny if “Arrested Development” and the “Clerks” cartoon didn’t already nail that joke. Carrie Fischer plays the world’s worst doctor, letting Linus escape from her hospital moments after telling his friends he’s very sick and has to go home. Neither of them have any winks to the audience. They could have been played by anyone. Finally, Seth Rogen plays two characters, and it comes off as weird, confusing, and unnecessary.

I’ve gotten this far, and said nothing about the Star Wars aspect of the film. Despite all my problems, the movie is a love letter to the devoted fans of Star Wars. Lucas gave his approval and allowed them to use the actual sounds from the movie and shoot at Skywalker Ranch. The nerd-filled theater I was in chuckled at the numerous references, such as their van being named Slave 2, Hutch trying to use The Force to convince ladies to take their shirt off, references to Admiral Ackbar, Ray Park (Darth Maul) playing a Skywalker security guard, and a debate about Luke and Leia kissing. And, best of all, Kristen Bell in a gold bikini. It’s also filled with three Star Wars trivia scenes, where characters are asked questions about the saga in order to proceed on their journey. Unfortunately, it just feels like a reason for the nerds in the audience to answer the question before the character does (Duh, the answer’s Dantooine!). The references are comforting, some of them funny, but on the whole there are a lot of missed opportunities. Interesting parallels are introduced and dropped, such as the character who sees his father as Darth Vader, a storyline that’s never resolved. Again, maybe a product of the various cooks in this movie’s kitchen.

The central theme of the movie is one that’s close to my heart. Star Wars fans sharing their love of something that filled them with imagination as children. This movie doesn’t need excessive Star Wars/Star Trek debates. It doesn’t need gimmicky gay bar scenes. It needs its four main characters to bond over a common love. It needs them to give their friend one last great adventure. The best scene occurs after Linus has seen The Phantom Menace and says, “It was never about the movie. It was about us.” It’s something Fanboys should have taken to heart.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 6:38 pm and is filed under Film. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.