Okay, time to redeem myself after last week’s April Fool’s DVD Tuesday. We’ve got a good week!

There Will Be Blood

I may like There Will Be Blood simply because I saw it at a 21+ screening, which allowed alcoholic drinks during the movie. Or maybe it’s just really, really good. I’m not the biggest Paul Thomas Anderson fan, especially when I hear people refer to him as “PTA.” Pretentious tendencies aside, I respect his skills, and think There Will Be Blood is confident, unique filmmaking. Even if you don’t dig the movie, you will be captivated by Daniel Day-Lewis. His performance is compelling, disturbing, and so over-the-top you won’t be able to take your eyes off him. And yes, everyone who hasn’t seen this can finally understand the whole “I drink your milkshake” craze. Let’s just hope this doesn’t bring it back. Oh, and if you really despise the movie, knock back a few drinks. It helps.

THE VERDICT: RENT IT, OR BUY IT IF YOU CALL THE DIRECTOR “PTA”

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

I saw Walk Hard in the theater. It was over Christmas, and I had to drag my parents to see it with me (You’re understanding the nerd label more and more, aren’t you?). I couldn’t get anyone to see it with me. Why? Lack of friends. Not really. It’s because most people in Ohio had no awareness of the movie. That’s a shame, because Walk Hard is a funny movie, anchored by an unbelievable John C. Reilly. He plays the character as if he were a real legend, which makes it that much more effective. THIS is the type of parody/spoof I keep begging for. It’s got some truly hilarious moments, songs with catchy hooks (I caught my dad singing “Walk Hard” a few days later), and a subject ripe for parody. I have a few complaints. It does run too long for a comedy, Dewey’s father wasn’t funny at all, and the story, while parodying every rock excess cautionary tale, is way too predictable. But this is worth a rent for Reilly’s performance (for lovers of cinema), the ridiculous amount of hidden cameos (for lovers of Where’s Waldo?), and a gratuitous penis shot (for lovers of penis).

THE VERDICT: RENT IT

Lions For Lambs

During my preview of Stop-Loss in last week’s Sticky Floor Friday, I mentioned war movies that have been bombing, er, failing at the box office. Lions For Lambs is one I had in mind. Despite having Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, and Meryl Streep, this movie went nowhere fast. People just don’t want this type of preachertainment right now, and I’m with them.

VERDICT: JUST WATCH CNN

I truly apologize if I had anything to do with this. I didn’t think my April Fool’s Joke would create this kind of fervor. Apparently, I wrote such a convincingly ‘positive’ review that 2.6 million people went out and bought the Alvin And The Chipmunks DVD on the first day, making it the fastest-selling DVD of the year.

Something that also attributed to the fast sales, according to Variety, is the “Get Munk’d” Mall Tour, which brings in around 2500 “fans” to watch what I’m assuming is a blank stage that will be filled with CG chipmunks later on. Now, that doesn’t really make much sense because if you do the math, the “Get Munk’d” Mall Tour is in about 12 cities, so that’s only about 30,000 DVDs, assuming every kid at the show buys a copy. That leaves the only logical conclusion: 2,570,000 people read my April Fool’s DVD Tuesday and bought the movie on my recommendation. I truly apologize.

Is it just me, or does “Getting Munk’d” sound more like an extremely depraved sexual fetish than a slogan for a kids movie?

Only one movie to talk about this week. Even though it came out in December of last year, I’m proclaiming it the best movie of 2008 as well. It’s simply the most fun you’ll ever have.

Alvin and the Chipmunks

I may catch flack for this, but I don’t care. Alvin and the Chipmunks really hit me somewhere special when I saw it in the theater. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a surprise party. You walk in expecting nothing, and then bam! All of a sudden, your old friends are standing in front of you with balloons, cake, and hilarious jokes to tell. The movie seamlessly blends live-action actors like Jason Lee (in his best performance since Chasing Amy) and David Cross (who has never been funny until this movie) with CG-created chipmunks Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. Did you know Alvin was voiced by Justin Long? It’s so great, because even though his voice is pitched up way high, it still retains Long’s trademark sense of humor and attitude. The songs are infectious, catchy, and surprisingly well-written. In fact, I went out and bought the soundtrack immediately after the movie. My favorite song is their rendition of “Funkytown.” Seriously, if I ever take a trip to Funkytown, I want to be escorted by three high-pitched chipmunks. Pick up this zany romp immediately. Aside from being a chuckle carnival, it’s got surprising depth for a children’s movie.

THE VERDICT: Buy two copies and sleep with one under your pillow to gain additional awesomeness through osmosis!

That’s it. The only movie (that matters) coming out on April 1st.

Only one recommendation this week. There were a few movies on the fence, but I couldn’t bring myself to recommend a horror movie called “Shrooms” or “The Sasquatch Gang,” even though Carl Weathers is in it as a guy named Artimus Snodgrass. On second thought, I’m sure I’ll regret not recommending that one.

The Mist

Frank Darabont and Stephen King re-team for the first time since “The Green Mile,” and the result is “The Mist.” It’s a story about a bunch of people trapped in a grocery store by a crazy mist filled with beasts, and The Punisher is their only hope. Thomas Jane stars, not as The Punisher, but as a guy trying to stay alive with his son. Thomas Jane, by the way, is constantly in a three way tie with Nathan Fillion and Aaron Eckhart as the “Wait, which one is he?” guy.

This two-disc edition includes a black and white version, which Darabont says is his preferred cut of the film, and I like the idea of a contemporary black and white horror film. “The Mist” got a lot of positive reviews, especially for a Stephen King movie (“Dreamcatcher” anyone?), and it’s a throwback to survival classics like “The Thing.” But don’t quote me as saying this is as good as “The Thing.” Nothing can touch “The Thing.” I’m excited to catch this on DVD, especially the black and white director’s cut.

VERDICT: RENT IT!

A couple heavy hitters come out today, but having already seen them, I’m not excited to revisit.

I Am Legend

Before “I Am Legend” was released last year, it had been kicking around for a long time. It’s been in the hands of the biggest stars of our time. Tom Cruise, Michael Douglas, and Arnold all tried to get the movie made throughout the years, but complications always kept it down. At one point, it was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie directed by Ridley Scott. Then it was a Michael Bay movie with Will Smith. When the dust finally settled, it would be Francis Lawrence (“Constantine, Britney Spears “I’m A Slave 4 U” Music Video) and Will Smith holding the script. And the first half of this movie is some of Smith’s finest acting. It’s quiet, subdued, a little stir crazy, and extremely effective. But the moment the zombies, er I’m sorry, infected start showing up, the movie unravels. I’ve been following Francis Lawrence’s career since he was making videos for MTV…not so much because I liked his work, but because he always felt the need to bog down every video with unnecessary CG effects. I couldn’t enjoy any of his work because I was too distracted. And the same goes for “Legend.” The infected are just a bunch of computer generated people who could have been infinitely more frightening had they just been real actors in some convincing prosthetics. Never at one point do I believe they occupy the same scene as Will Smith, and that cripples the movie. The fact that this movie took so long to make and was mucked up by poor effects makes it all the more disappointing.

That said, I would recommend the first half of this movie to anyone who loves Will Smith. And as soon as you see one of the infected, pop in 28 Days Later and pretend that’s the end of the movie.

THE VERDICT: RENT IT, WATCH THE FIRST 40 MINUTES, THEN GO TO BED.

Atonement

I have an unpopular opinion of Atonement. Obviously, because it was nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. When I left the theater, I could understand why the Academy liked it. It looked beautiful, it was a period piece, and it was boring. Now, as anyone who watches Sticky Floor Friday knows, period pieces make me sleepy. But I really did give this movie a chance. There’s a big, life-changing event that occurs in the first half of the movie, but I must have been expecting something else because it didn’t have much of an impact on me. Part of that may be my feelings towards Keira Knightley, who didn’t really convince me of anything except that she should have a hamburger. Her and James Mcavoy are, apparently, madly in love with each other. I never bought into that, which makes it hard to enjoy a love story. My other problem with the story is the ending. I won’t give anything away, but there’s a time jump that is meant to be touching, and it’s just too jarring for my taste. The whole movie is set up a certain way, and in the end, we’re hurled very far away.

On a positive note, the sound design and music are fairly ingenious, and hold much more weight once you’ve seen the ending. It also has the most complicated, amazing shot I’ve ever seen in a film, which a YouTube user graciously (and illegally) uploaded. (starts at :46 seconds in and ends…never)

THE VERDICT: JUST WATCH THE CLIP ABOVE AND CALL IT A DAY!

Southland Tales

I am by no means going to recommend “Southland Tales,” Richard Kelly’s first film since the cult classic “Donnie Darko,” but a sick, twisted part of me wants to endure it. From what I’ve read and been told, “Southland Tales” is a colossal failure of a movie, a result of Kelly buying into his own “Darko” hype. When it premiered at Cannes in 2006, “Southland” had a lot of people walking out to a chorus of boos. Whenever I hear that about a movie, a curious part of me needs to know why! But then, I enjoy inflicting cinematic pain on myself. Please, don’t see this movie. Just live vicariously through me and read my take on it whenever I get around to renting it.

THE VERDICT: NO!!!!!!!!!

Wow, am I excited for today! Not only are some great movies coming out on DVD, but Super Smash Bros. for Wii also comes out. Who’s ready to take me on? Nobody? Fine. Go get some DVDs instead.

No Country For Old Men

Okay. Finally. FINALLY! “No Country For Old Men” is on DVD! If you frequent this site, you know my feelings on this movie. It’s the Coen brothers at their best, creating a tense, bloody masterpiece that follows a man lucky to find a bag of money, but unlucky to have a remorseless psychopath wanting the bag back. It’s never clear whether he wants the money or if the bag complements his cattle gun, but it’s an exciting ride nonetheless. And my god, somehow they made Javier Bardem even MORE frightening on the DVD cover.

I only had a few entries for my “No Country For Old Men” quiz, and while I will announce the winner tomorrow, I’m also re-opening the contest to find a second winner. This time, I’ve made it easy on you. The movie is out on DVD. Go get it. Watch it. Then, fill out the quiz.

THE VERDICT: BUY IT, DUMMY!

South Park: Imaginationland

South Park is the greatest cartoon on television today. It remains consistently funny and irreverent, and every time it comes back on the air, lesser shows like Family Guy, and even recent seasons of The Simpsons, get put to shame. Last year, they had an epic 3-episode story arc titled “Imaginationland.” Rumor has it this would have been the next South Park movie, but for unknown reasons, that never came about. Need a reason to buy this movie? Here it is (sadly, you can’t find a clip, but the song still exists):

THE VERDICT: BUY IT!

Bee Movie

I saw “Bee Movie” in a theater with a bunch of children. I’ve had terrible experiences with children in theaters before. But after the first few minutes, the theater was surprisingly silent. I thought all the children were really well-behaved, but then I realized most of them were just sleeping. See, “Bee Movie” is not really a children’s cartoon. It’s a Seinfeld movie disguised as a cartoon. Some of the themes are too big for kids to wrap their head around. I mean, who wants to think about your purpose in life when you can go play in the dirt? That said, I enjoyed Bee Movie to a point. It hits a stride whenever Seinfeld’s humor comes through, but it’s pretty disjointed. It starts as a small story about bees in a hive, then veers into a courtroom drama for a while, with a little interspecies romance tossed in for fun. But it’s worth a look, especially if you’re a fan of Seinfeld.

The Verdict: RENT IT!

Good week for movies! You don’t like any of these? I’ll give you my friend code and stomp you in Smash Bros!

A couple strong movies coming out this week!

Into The Wild

This is my pick for the week. Into The Wild is directed by Sean Penn and follows the true, fateful journey of a rich kid who gave up all his money and hitchhiked to Alaska to go, well, Into The Wild. This movie is long (over 2 hours), but it’s definitely a journey worth taking. It’s also got a great soundtrack by Eddie Vedder, who was completely robbed at the Oscars. Enchanted gets nominationed for three different songs and you’re telling me there’s no room for EdVed? (I’m sure all his friends call him that.)

VERDICT: RENT IT!

My Kid Could Paint That

I love documentaries like this. My Kid Could Paint That is a doc about a four year old girl who paints pictures that people compare to Picasso and pay thousands of dollars to obtain. It’s the ultimate debate of “What’s Art?” If a 4 year old scribbles some crap on a canvas and it looks vaguely interesting, is that as artistic as a grown-up’s work, where actual thought was put into it? There’s also the question of whether this is a scam or if the girl is truly talented. Pretty fascinating stuff. Check it out!

VERDICT: RENT IT!

Awake

This movie was in theaters just 4 months ago, and now it’s on DVD. That’s not a good sign. Awake is about a patient (Anakin Skywalker) undergoing surgery, but finding himself completely aware of his surroundings during the procedure. Turns out, the doctors are shady and just want him to die. Oh, and Jessica Alba’s thrown in there. By the way, why is she naked on the DVD cover? That looks like it was stolen from some Maxim photo shoot. Awake completely bombed at the box office, taking in only $14 million. Reviews were very poor (22% on Rotten Tomatoes), except for Roger Ebert, whose stars-per-review average rises with his age. He gave it three stars and thought it was an effective thriller. I just can’t get too excited about it. These movies is the reason HBO exists.

VERDICT: WAIT FOR HBO!

We’re going to be seeing a lot of the Oscar nominated movies coming out in the next few weeks, so you’d better get these rentals out of the way now!

Just a couple DVDs to recommend this week!

Beowulf

I was lucky enough to see “Beowulf” at an IMAX 3-D theater, and it was probably one of the Top 3 greatest movie experiences of my life. I’ve never been fully immersed like that before, where you feel like you are actually a character in the movie. The 3-D added depth and clarity to the picture and wasn’t used for cheap “Jaws 3-D” scares. And the story was actually well-done. I mean, it’s Beowulf, so it’s hard to screw up (unless Christopher Lambert’s name is attached to it), but with such amazing visual effects, you would expect the story to take a backseat. Now, because I had such an face-melting experience, I don’t have the urge to see this movie ever again in any format other than IMAX 3-D. I just know a puny TV can’t compare to a gigantic, 50 foot tall screen, no matter how flat and highly defined it is. But if you haven’t seen Beowulf, you owe it to yourself to check it out. It’s revolutionary filmmaking!

VERDICT: BUY AN IMAX 3-D THEATER!

The Darjeeling Limited

The Royal Tenenbaums” is one of my favorite movies, so I’ll always make time for Wes Anderson. He’s cornered the market on these quirky, desert-dry comedies, and some people give him shit for that. But hey, it’s his style and no one does it better. “The Darjeeling Limited” explores the same issues Anderson is known for: Brothers, Love, Damaged Relationships, and Bill Murray, except this time it takes place on a train. If you love attention to detail, clever dialogue exchanges, and noses (it stars Adrian Brody and Owen Wilson), then you should check this one out!

VERDICT: RENT IT!