My low energy Sticky Floor Friday preview of Rambo.
Stallone’s resurrection of everyone’s favorite bandanna’d hero is a strange, bloody two-sided coin. On one side, you have Stallone addressing the serious issue of genocide and needless violence in Burma. On the other side, you have Rambo solving the problem of needless violence with more violence. Luckily, the movie makes you hate the enemy so much that when Rambo is finally called into action, and body parts are literally EXPLODING from sniper fire, you can’t help but feel satisfied. Rambo delivers everything it promises, and actually provides an interesting group of characters to back him up in action. It reminded me of the old days, when movies like Predator would give you a badass squad of mercenaries looking to do some damage. If you don’t think violence solves everything, it’s time to see why you’re wrong. RAMBO!
THE VERDICT: OWN IT!
Games
Dr. Mario Online Rx
Listen to that classic music.
I love Dr. Mario. It’s one of the most addicting video games I’ve ever played. And now, WiiWare has just released it for download! This version has a couple different gameplay modes, including online two-player action, and a crazy four-player edition. For only ten bucks, this is easily the best deal of the week!
I am so stupid. In my delirious Indy excitement this week, I totally forgot to mention that George Romero’s DIARY OF THE DEAD came on DVD this week! A zombie movie set in a Blair Witch (Or do we now just reference Cloverfield?) world. Sounds good to me! Romero is the Master, the originator of zombie movies, and I am excited to add this to my collection! I just wish they didn’t have that stupid “EXTREME” logo in the corner.
THE VERDICT: RUN LIKE A DAWN OF THE DEAD REMAKE ZOMBIE TO BUY THIS!
What? You can’t wait two days to see the original treasure hunter return to theaters?? Good god, man, how much treasure seeking do you demand in one week? You shouldn’t have to settle for a pale imitation! I know some people dig the National Treasure movies for their fluffiness. Just remember how things get fluffy. By being whipped. By Indiana Jones.
THE VERDICT: HOLD OFF A FEW DAYS FOR THE REAL DEAL!
Strange Wilderness
For anyone who thinks I’ve been too stingy on Sticky Floor Friday, you can always reference my Strange Wilderness matinée recommendation as proof of slack standards. I seem to recall the box office being especially slow that weekend, and I may or may not have been under the influence of four too many Fun Dip packets. Regardless, this movie was made for a video audience, and will probably play on each of the 10 HBO channels for about three months straight.
THE VERDICT: RENT IF STONED, WAIT FOR HBO IF TOO STONED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
Games
Wii Fit
Hey Fatty! Jump on this board! Oh my god, you’re fat! Play this game non-stop to lose weight! How old are you? Oh. Ten? Oops. Well the Wii Fit is finally here, and aside from spawning too many video game jokes in my head to catalog, it’s taking the right step towards forcing lazy kids to move around the living room a little bit. The problem comes in when ten-year-olds complain that the game called them fat. It’s only a matter of time before someone sues Nintendo because the game didn’t make them skinny.
This is Francis Ford Coppola’s first movie since 1997’s The Rainmaker, so it’s on the list for that reason. The movie is about an old man who gets struck by lightning and starts to age backwards. It didn’t get great reviews or pull in an audience. It’s pretty much an arthouse film, but I’m curious to see Coppola back in action.
THE VERDICT: NOT THE GODFATHER, BUT NOT QUITE JACK
Indiana Jones - The Adventure Collection!
Okay, if you haven’t gotten the trilogy on DVD yet, the obvious cash-in re-issue is coming out today. Apparently it’s got some new documentaries and commentary with Lucas and Spielberg, but this set is only for those who don’t already own it…or for those who love adventure, apparently.
THE VERDICT: CASH-IN ATTEMPT!
Welcome to the NHK Vol 4: 4th Conspiracy
I have no clue what this is, but I found the box art hilarious. How do you play to sad, lonely nerds? Anime Underpants!
VERDICT: YOU’RE A WEIRDO!
Games
Boom Blox
Okay, this came out last week, but I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure of its nerdworthiness. Boom Blox is the first video game from Steven Spielberg and it’s definitely not what you would ever expect. The essential idea involves blowing up environments with a bunch of blocks. No sharks or aliens or whip-crackers. Just a bunch of exploding blocks. It’s getting good reviews and is best played with friends, so if you’re in Blockbuster, this might be worth checking out.
VERDICT: RENT IT!
Nerd Gadgets
R2D2 Ice Bucket
I saw this on Gizmodo and couldn’t resist. It’s an R2 ice bucket with Carbonite Han ice cubes. They already beat me to the obvious joke, so I’ll just use their quote to describe this awesome lady-repellent.
What ladies will be able to resist the combo of your charm, your extensive knowledge of Dr. Who episodes and a vodka soda kept cold by Han Solo? No ladies, that’s who. No ladies.
Okay, so last week brought the release of a free Nine Inch Nails single, but this week, Trent Reznor goes a step beyond Radiohead’s “Name Your Price” approach by simply releasing an ENTIRE ALBUM online for free. The past two months have pretty much been a dream come true for NIN fans — the release of Ghosts I-IV, a free single, AND a new album, and we’ve only had to pay about 5 bucks for all of it. By the way, Trent Reznor’s message to fans on his website? “Thank you for your continued and loyal support over the years - this one’s on me.” Awesome.
Click on the album cover or HERE to get The Slip!
THE VERDICT: YOU SHOULD ALREADY BE LISTENING TO IT!
Movies
Teeth
Best viewed with a group of friends, Teeth is part horror, part comedy, and all sorts of crazy. Described as a cautionary tale of teenage sexual angst, Teeth is the story of a girl who finds out she has teeth in her lady parts. It starts off looking like a teen comedy satire, then veers wayyy off the rails into horror territory until settling back into a sort of revenge pic. Seeing Dawn discover and harness her power is an interesting, and unsettling, journey with enough blood to satisfy gorehounds, enough female power to satisfy message-seekers, and enough detached penises to put a dildo factory out of business. It’s not for everyone, but Teeth is a strange movie worth experiencing at least once.
THE VERDICT - GRAB SOME UNSUSPECTING FRIENDS, RENT THIS, AND BASK IN THEIR SHOCKED REACTIONS
I haven’t seen The Golden Compass. I heard some OK things about it, but nothing that compelled me to run out and see it. Honestly, there’s just nothing coming out on DVD this week. I know I’ll end up seeing it, but it’s low on my list of priorities. Although, I have to admit that a children’s movie with supposed anti-religious themes is pretty intriguing.
VERDICT: BUY A COPY AND GIVE IT TO A PRIEST!
GAMES
Grand Theft Auto IV
Wow. I can’t believe I almost forgot this. Grand Theft Auto IV finally, FINALLY comes out today for the 360 and PS3. While I was pretty burnt out on GTA by the second sequel, GTA IV is getting OUTRAGEOUSLY GOOD reviews. IGN gave it a perfect 10 score, something they very, very rarely do. GTA IV is projected to make over $450 million dollars, far surpassing the take of all but two movies. Granted, people paying about 4 times as much for GTA, but that’s still an unbelievable number, and proof that the gaming industry will not be slowing down any time soon. If you’ve missed bashing hookers and running down cops, or are just a fan of games, pick this up now.
VERDICT: WHAT DO YOU THINK??
Mario Kart Wii
On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, Mario Kart is back! I’ve been playing iterations of this game since the Super Nintendo days, and it’s always a good time, especially with a group of friends. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever played this game single player. It’s very much a party game, if your idea of a party is playing video games (no girls allowed, er, would want to come). Nintendo really has a handle on simplistic fun, and Mario Kart is a great example of their strengths.
VERDICT: GRAB THREE FRIENDS AND A RED SHELL AND GET TO RACING!
MUSIC
Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
So, now that Trent Reznor is free from the bondage of record contracts, the dude’s just releasing music whenever the hell he feels like it. This is pretty much awesome. Late last week he released a free download for everyone, titled “Discipline.” If you want it, just go to this link and have it e-mailed to you. It’s pretty much awesome.
Okay, so I thought I’d expand DVD Tuesday to include more than just movies. Especially in the summer, there’s an abundance of new music and video game releases that I should be mentioning, seeing as this is a nerd hub. Check it!
DVD
Cloverfield
Or as I’ve been known to call it, Cloverfuckinfield. There’s no denying the pre-release marketing on this movie was stellar. It got people interested in something with no real stars or big name director (although JJ Abrams as producer kinda helped). As for the movie itself, history will determine if it has any staying power. After seeing it, my friends had reactions ranging from, “The crazy beast was awesome!” to “I want my god damn money back!” I’m curious to see how this plays on the small screen, perhaps curbing some of the “nausea” that was being reported in theaters.
VERDICT: DROP SOME DRAMAMINE AND RENT IT!
MUSIC
Flight of the Conchords
If you saw the Flight of the Conchords HBO show, then you already know what to expect from this absurd duo who could be the love child of a Tenacious D, Beck, and Lord of the Rings three-way. If you haven’t seen them in action, Flight of the Conchords are a musical comedy duo from New Zealand. Mixing tons of different styles, the Conchords have a more varied sound than Tenacious D, but the songs aren’t as overtly funny. Maybe more clever. You can’t deny gems like “Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros” with the lyrics “They call me the Hiphopopotamus, my lyrics are bottomless… (5 seconds of silence).” Charming and more innocent than Tenacious D, Flight of the Conchords are also extremely talented musicians. I’m willing to find out if their comedy translates from TV to an album.
Juno is a fantastic follow-up to Jason Reitman’s first film, Thank You For Smoking. I LOVE that movie, so I was excited to see Juno. I know the weird soundtrack and out of place dialogue will scare some people away, but it’s definitely worth your time. It’s well-acted, snappy, and has some really interesting character arcs. If that’s not enough, the prospect of an “Arrested Development” family reunion between Michael Bluth and son (Jason Bateman and Michael Cera) should have you signing in to Netflix immediately. To be fair, sadly, they don’t share a scene together, but just knowing they’re a few minutes of film apart is good enough for me.
VERDICT: RENT IT!
Aliens Vs. Predator - Requiem
Predator is one of the greatest action/sci-fi movies of all time. Aliens is one of the greatest action/sci-fi movies of all time. Apparently, two positives equal a soul-sucking, Black Hole negative. As a nerd, I’ll see this, because the trailer did show a lot of heads exploding. I recommend everyone else stick to the classics.
VERDICT: TAKE TWO TVs, PLACE THEM SIDE BY SIDE, PUT PREDATOR ON ONE TV, ALIENS ON THE OTHER, AND CROSS YOUR EYES.
In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Hey, look! Movies that I previewed on Sticky Floor Friday are starting to come out on DVD! I didn’t want to see this back then, and I don’t want to see it now. Not even a healthy dose of unshaven Statham can convince me. By the way, I’m taking those flames at the bottom of the DVD as a go-ahead to torch all copies of this movie.
Okay, time to redeem myself after last week’s April Fool’s DVD Tuesday. We’ve got a good week!
There Will Be Blood
I may like There Will Be Blood simply because I saw it at a 21+ screening, which allowed alcoholic drinks during the movie. Or maybe it’s just really, really good. I’m not the biggest Paul Thomas Anderson fan, especially when I hear people refer to him as “PTA.” Pretentious tendencies aside, I respect his skills, and think There Will Be Blood is confident, unique filmmaking. Even if you don’t dig the movie, you will be captivated by Daniel Day-Lewis. His performance is compelling, disturbing, and so over-the-top you won’t be able to take your eyes off him. And yes, everyone who hasn’t seen this can finally understand the whole “I drink your milkshake” craze. Let’s just hope this doesn’t bring it back. Oh, and if you really despise the movie, knock back a few drinks. It helps.
THE VERDICT: RENT IT, OR BUY IT IF YOU CALL THE DIRECTOR “PTA”
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
I saw Walk Hard in the theater. It was over Christmas, and I had to drag my parents to see it with me (You’re understanding the nerd label more and more, aren’t you?). I couldn’t get anyone to see it with me. Why? Lack of friends. Not really. It’s because most people in Ohio had no awareness of the movie. That’s a shame, because Walk Hard is a funny movie, anchored by an unbelievable John C. Reilly. He plays the character as if he were a real legend, which makes it that much more effective. THIS is the type of parody/spoof I keep begging for. It’s got some truly hilarious moments, songs with catchy hooks (I caught my dad singing “Walk Hard” a few days later), and a subject ripe for parody. I have a few complaints. It does run too long for a comedy, Dewey’s father wasn’t funny at all, and the story, while parodying every rock excess cautionary tale, is way too predictable. But this is worth a rent for Reilly’s performance (for lovers of cinema), the ridiculous amount of hidden cameos (for lovers of Where’s Waldo?), and a gratuitous penis shot (for lovers of penis).
THE VERDICT: RENT IT
Lions For Lambs
During my preview of Stop-Loss in last week’s Sticky Floor Friday, I mentioned war movies that have been bombing, er, failing at the box office. Lions For Lambs is one I had in mind. Despite having Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, and Meryl Streep, this movie went nowhere fast. People just don’t want this type of preachertainment right now, and I’m with them.
I truly apologize if I had anything to do with this. I didn’t think my April Fool’s Joke would create this kind of fervor. Apparently, I wrote such a convincingly ‘positive’ review that 2.6 million people went out and bought the Alvin And The Chipmunks DVD on the first day, making it the fastest-selling DVD of the year.
Something that also attributed to the fast sales, according to Variety, is the “Get Munk’d” Mall Tour, which brings in around 2500 “fans” to watch what I’m assuming is a blank stage that will be filled with CG chipmunks later on. Now, that doesn’t really make much sense because if you do the math, the “Get Munk’d” Mall Tour is in about 12 cities, so that’s only about 30,000 DVDs, assuming every kid at the show buys a copy. That leaves the only logical conclusion: 2,570,000 people read my April Fool’s DVD Tuesday and bought the movie on my recommendation. I truly apologize.
Is it just me, or does “Getting Munk’d” sound more like an extremely depraved sexual fetish than a slogan for a kids movie?
