This cover does NOT do this movie justice.
The most insane movie experience of 2009 has just been legalized for home use. That’s right, Crank 2 is out on DVD today. This is a kitchen sink movie, so prepare for a blur of images that constantly up the crazy quotient. Here’s my original REVIEW.
Only one major movie people will care about today.
The Dark Knight
Well here it is. The most overrated movie of all time. The Dark Knight shows up on DVD today and you can relive the boring spectacle riddled with plot holes and bad acting at your own risk. Me? I’ll be buying this…
Attack Girls’ Swim Team Versus The Undead!
Okay, I can’t keep that up. How dare I say unkind words about the Godfather II of comic book movies!* Everyone’s already seen The Dark Knight, some of us have seen it three times, and it only gets better with each viewing. Yes, there are a few suspensions of disbelief in the plot, but they are minimal compared to the visual and emotional scope achieved. If you haven’t seen The Dark Knight, it’s everything everyone says it is. If you have seen it, you’re probably the one telling people how freaking amazing it is. Heath Ledger = Oscar. That DVD box art = Awful.
*Can we put to rest the Godfather II comparisons now? ‘Cause right now that means the follow-up film to TDK will be the Godfather III of comic book movies. Can’t Spider-Man 3 just keep that title?
Guns N’ Roses – CHINESE DEMOCRAFUCKINCY!
Wow. I’m shocked to actually be holding this in my hand. I was pretty sure this day would never come. Chinese Democracy has finally been released, roughly 14 years late. Was it worth the wait? Well, it’s hard to imagine anything is worth waiting 14 years for. Unless it involves Scarlet Johannsen. But upon first listen, Chinese Democracy is pretty damn good. Music has been missing this kind of bombastic wall of sound, so thick with guitars and shrieking vocals you’d think you were back in ‘87. By the way, Axl Rose’s voice shows up fully intact. He’s still crushing those high notes, though I’d like his vocals to be a little more front and center. Sometimes they disappear behind three guitars and a symphony. It’s an amazing feat that these songs have seen the light of day, and even more amazing that they’re actually rocking my face off. I believe someone owes me a Dr. Pepper.
THE VERDICT: Love me some GNR. And you should too.
Hancock
The cover really seems to be playing down the whole “alcoholic superhero” angle, as do the TV spots they’ve been playing for the DVD release. Too bad. The cover also boasts that this is the “1 Disc Unrated Edition,” which has to be the first time a DVD was bragging about being only one disc. This shows up in my mailbox today courtesy of Netflix. I’ll give my verdict later.
THE VERDICT: JURY’S OUT
Fred Claus
I’m a sucker for Christmas movies. But not this one. Oh god not this one. Ludacris plays an elf through the magic of CG. That’s all you need to know to understand the level of quality we’re dealing with here. This movie is miserable.
THE VERDICT: Despite the presence of Frank Stallone, stay far, far away.
Freaks And Geeks
If you haven’t seen this series yet, here’s a brand new reason to discover it. I have no idea what’s different about this version and the older release, but it does give me an excuse to tell you this is required viewing for everyone who enjoys anything. Oh, how I envy those who get to discover Bill dressed up as Bionic Woman.
THE VERDICT: Get your Freak on!
Guns N’ Roses – CHINESE DEMOCRAFUCKINCY!
Wow. I’m shocked to actually be holding this in my hand. I was pretty sure this day would never come. Chinese Democracy has finally been released, roughly 14 years late. Was it worth the wait? Well, it’s hard to imagine anything is worth waiting 14 years for. Unless it involves Scarlet Johannsen. But upon first listen, Chinese Democracy is pretty damn good. Music has been missing this kind of bombastic wall of sound, so thick with guitars and shrieking vocals you’d think you were back in ‘87. By the way, Axl Rose’s voice shows up fully intact. He’s still crushing those high notes, though I’d like his vocals to be a little more front and center. Sometimes they disappear behind three guitars and a symphony. It’s an amazing feat that these songs have seen the light of day, and even more amazing that they’re actually rocking my face off. I believe someone owes me a Dr. Pepper.
THE VERDICT: Love me some GNR. And you should too.
Hancock
The cover really seems to be playing down the whole “alcoholic superhero” angle, as do the TV spots they’ve been playing for the DVD release. Too bad. The cover also boasts that this is the “1 Disc Unrated Edition,” which has to be the first time a DVD was bragging about being only one disc. This shows up in my mailbox today courtesy of Netflix. I’ll give my verdict later.
THE VERDICT: JURY’S OUT
Fred Claus
I’m a sucker for Christmas movies. But not this one. Oh god not this one. Ludacris plays an elf through the magic of CG. That’s all you need to know to understand the level of quality we’re dealing with here. This movie is miserable.
THE VERDICT: Despite the presence of Frank Stallone, stay far, far away.
Freaks And Geeks
If you haven’t seen this series yet, here’s a brand new reason to discover it. I have no idea what’s different about this version and the older release, but it does give me an excuse to tell you this is required viewing for everyone who enjoys anything. Oh, how I envy those who get to discover Bill dressed up as Bionic Woman.
THE VERDICT: Get your Freak on!
Tropic Thunder
You can read my original review on Tropic Thunder HERE if you’re so inclined. This is a must-see for one reason: Robert Downey Jr. He takes what could have been an offensive, riot-inducing character and turns it into a high-wire act, balancing audacity and hilarity in a movie-saving performance. There are a lot of problems in Tropic Thunder, but there are also a ton of laughs, and laughter can cover up a lot of issues. Word of warning: Make sure you turn the movie off as SOON as the credits begin to roll. Gratuitous Tom Cruise dancing will erase any good memories gathered in the previous 100 minutes.
THE VERDICT: Rent it!
Wall E
Haven’t seen Wall E yet, but I’ve heard nothing but good things. It’s Pixar, we all know they can do no wrong.
THE VERDICT: Rent It!
David Lynch: The Lime Green Set
Any fan of David Lynch will be shocked to hear this is a 10 disc set that only includes 4 movies. Lynch has been notorious for not doing any commentaries or special features for his movies (until the recent Twin Peaks box set release). Hell, he even released Mulholland Drive without chapters, which drove me and my friend nuts when we spent an entire day trying to figure the movie out. Just try skipping around in a movie using only fast forward. It’s as maddening as Mulholland Drive itself! Anyway, this 10 disc set features a whole lots of Lynch extras, including animated web shows, his short films, deleted scenes (32 from Wild At Heart), and, the coolest of all…a MYSTERY DISC! Of course David Lynch has a mystery disc! From what I read, it’s got the deleted scenes on it, but also just a lot of weird, atmospheric stuff. I’m guessing it’s similar to the three hour mind-melter Inland Empire, but with less story. If that’s possible.
THE VERDICT: Buy It If You’re a Lynch Lover. Everyone Else Should Probably Just Forget It Exists. It’ll Hurt Your Brain.
Logan’s War: Bound By Honor
I just felt like the site was seriously lacking some Chuck Norris.
THE VERDICT: There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Ooh, it’s a pretty nerdy week for DVDs. We’ve got a couple movies that were overlooked in the theater and should far much better at home.
Read my original review HERE.
When I talked about Hellboy II on Sticky Floor Friday, I urged everyone to see it the weekend it came out, because it was going to get trounced and forgotten the following week. Well, that was an understatement. 7 days later a little movie called The Dark Knight was released and laid waste to Hellboy’s meager $34 million #1 opening. It’s a shame, because Hellboy is a truly imaginative film and one of the best of 2008. Everyone was overshadowed by Bruce Wayne this summer, but now is the time to repent. Pick up Hellboy II and I guarantee you won’t regret it. Once you see the Tooth Fairies, you’ll be hooked.
THE VERDICT: Buy The Big, Red Bastard!
I was ultimately outnumbered in my support of Clone Wars, but I stand by my review that it’s a great introduction to an amazing television show. Now that it’s on the air, the Clone Wars cartoon is proving there are still viable stories to tell in the Star Wars universe. And since the movie was originally part of the TV series, it’ll stand up much better on the small screen. I’ve read blogs where people think Lucas released it in theaters to “trick” unknowing moviegoers into buying a product intended for television. If that were the case, they would have heavily promoted the movie and crammed it down our throats. Instead, it was released with minimal expectations and advertising, and proved to be an entertaining piece of fluff.
You know, people hold Genndy Tartakovsky’s “Clone Wars” cartoon in high regard, but if the second season was released in theaters, people would have griped about how it was a money grab. I saw a special screening of that entire season in a theater, and walked away with the same feeling as the newest Clone Wars movie — fun as a TV show and cool to see on the big screen, but lacking scope. If people would have been asked to pay money to see the original “Clone Wars” series, I bet the perception would be a lot different today.
THE VERDICT: Wah, wah, wah George Lucas! Check it out if you’re not a bitter fanboy.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The third biggest movie of the summer is finally out on DVD today, and I for one am excited to revisit Indy. I mean, look how excited I was before I saw the movie! Yes, this movie is flawed, but I was on board with most of the outrageous story because it was handled with sheer exuberance. It’s FUN to watch Indiana Jones and Mutt Williams get chased through campus. It’s FUN to see him battle Russians. It’s even FUN to watch them outrun killer ants. And while it does fall off the rails towards the end, everything leading up to it (yes, including the nuclear blast) is ENTERTAINING. It’s a ridiculous, preposterous movie that goes way beyond the storylines of previous Indy adventures. But isn’t that what a good adventure sequel should do?
THE VERDICT: Buy it unless you’re my brother John, who felt very much like Stan and Kyle did on South Park
Dance of the Dead
Haven’t seen this movie yet, but my friend George Feucht is the cinematographer. I’ve shot with him before and he’s a talented guy, I’m excited to see what he did with this cool little zombie flick.
THE VERDICT: If You’re Mad at George Lucas, Give This George a Shot Instead!
Alien-Predator Total Destruction Collection
Contains all the Alien, Predator, and AVP movies. At the behest of this box set, I would buy it, destroy Alien Vs. Predator Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, and maybe Alien3, and just enjoy the Alien and Predator franchises for the greatness they USED to be. By the way, I have a special fondness for Alien: Resurrection, which is why I haven’t ordered it destroyed. What can I say? I’m a sucker for Ron Perlman, swimming aliens, and aborted Ripley clones.
THE VERDICT: Kind of a neat package, but if you’re a fan of the Alien or Predator series, you probably own the essentials.
Ooh, good week for DVDs!
Iron Man
Robert Downey Jr.’s career-changing movie is finally out on DVD after an excruciating 4 month wait. Well, 4 months since it came out in theaters. Probably 2 months since left theaters. It’s so difficult for a movie lover to wait SO long for movies to come out! How do we survive?? I remember years ago, when I had to wait an entire year for Terminator 2 to reach VHS, and even when it did, it was 100 bucks to buy!
Iron Man was my #2 movie of the summer, and it’s a no-brainer purchase. Plus, my aversion to origin stories allows me to skip past the first half hour!
The Verdict: I AM…BUYING THIS, MAN!
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Speaking of long waits, Forgetting Sarah Marshall came out wayy back in April. This is a hilarious movie that deserves a long life on DVD, settling nicely on the shelf next to 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. It’s got Paul Rudd as a stoned surfer, Jason Segel as a mopey moper, and Kristen Bell as, well, a hot chick, and they’re all on top of their game. Russel Brand also makes a nice introduction to American audiences, even if he destroyed that goodwill with his MTV Music Awards hosting gig. All these positives make it easy to forgive the horrible and unnecessary inclusion of Jack McBrayer as a sexhausted newlywed and a fairly padded running time. Oh, and there’s some floppy ding dongs for the ladies.
The Verdict: Forget Renting. Buy the 3-disc special edition and watch Kristen Bell for 10 hours. In slow motion. (like my friend Mike will do!)
The Bank Job
I don’t disguise my love for Jason Statham. Sure, his role choices are uneven (Yay for Crank! Boo for In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale!) but The Bank Job uses the reliable combination of Statham and sneaky heists. (Admit it, The Italian Job was fun). Who doesn’t love a good swindle? Plus, look at that coat!
The Verdict – STATHAM!
Be Kind, Rewind
Sure, this movie came and went in theaters pretty quickly, but it’s perfect for DVD. A funny concept with Jack Black recreating movies from memory, and it introduced the word “Sweding” into the YouTube crowd’s vocabulary. The result? People making their own movies from memory, like Jurassic Park. (although I guarantee they cheated a little bit.)
THE VERDICT: WAIT FOR HBO!
Her Azz So Thick
I’ll just let their description take it away:
“Another rump shaking hit!!! Watch as these thick in the trunk dancers show their assets. Get ready for some major Azz Overload in this movie!!! Shot live from the strip club capitol of Atlanta GA.”
THE VERDICT: AZZ OVERLOAD!
