Well, we know this isn’t graduation from target accuracy class.

By the way, that’s a girl.

From The Daily What: Geeky girl graduates from college in full Stormtrooper gear.

I can’t believe I found this in the Star Wars shop, but it’s true. An officially licensed Leia Slave Outfit. Hilariously named the “Secret Wishes Princess Leia Slave Costume,” this gift from the perverted gods includes a the Leia bikini, briefs with skirt, belt, choker and headpiece. It does NOT include the unrealistically-shaped woman, so your results may vary. But seriously…this thing comes with a “choker.” A CHOKER! In a galaxy of sadomasochists far far away…

By the way, people who bought this outfit also purchased…

…making me think it’s probably not girls buying these costumes. Yikes.

You want to buy this outfit for yourself, I mean your girlfriend? Get your sci-fi freak on at Star Wars Shop.

First, from the master…

And now, as delivered by a 4-year-old…

I gotta say, I love when the kid points during “because we can!”

And here’s a bonus adorable kid/movie collaboration:

Soon, I will be eaten by a CG Sarlacc monster just like the coolest/most overrated bounty hunter in the galaxy.

Check it out HERE, but don’t expect to buy one. They’re sold out on the website. (Hint: Go To Macy’s)

I just happened to stumble upon the Fanboys website a few minutes ago. Literally. One of my favorite Internet Boredom pastimes is clicking Stumble using the StumbleUpon toolbar, and this time, it just so happened to take me to the site of the Shot-Two-Years-Ago-But-Never-Released movie Fanboys, about a group of friends who try to sneak into Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of Phantom Menace so their friend can see it before he dies. Anyway, the most noticeable thing I saw (besides the 40-Year-Old Virgin poster homage) was that there was an actual release date for this movie!

Now, if you know nothing about theFanboys drama, consider yourself lucky. It’s long, drawn-out, and involves many different re-shoots, re-edits, and release dates. There’s an abbreviated version on Wikipedia. Anyway, after 3 years, the movie will finally see the light of day on February 9th, 2009 and it’s essentially fan service to all the big time Star Wars nerds out there (i.e. Me). Hell, even the tagline is a SW reference. Anyway, this movie is also of interest because it involves the following people: Kristen Bell, Jay Baruchel, Carrie Fisher, Will Forte, Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Ray Park (Darth Maul), Craig Robinson, Seth Rogen, William Shatner, and Lando himself, Billy Dee Williams! I think it’s going to be strange to see all these people in a movie they shot 3 years ago. Surely their appearances have changed in that time. Of course, more interesting is the fact that this movie takes place before the prequels were released, in a time when Fanboys were less hate-filled, so I fully expect this movie to capture what it means to be a movie fan and not a movie site message board troll.

Oh, did I also mention it’s got Kristen Bell in a Leia Slave Outfit? ‘Cause it totally does!

Just when I started to think, “This isn’t a very good video,” Billy Dee shows up out of nowhere! God damn he’s smooth.

A long time ago (14 years) in a galaxy far, far away (Ohio), the Nerd With Words and his friend BJ attempted to recreate his favorite movie from memory using only Star Wars toys, in-camera effects, and horrible, horrible voice acting. This is pre-prequels, pre-Be Kind, Rewind sweding, and pre-puberty.

In celebration of the Clone Wars cartoon debut this Friday, I present the origin story of the Nerd With Words: Part One of Stop Motion Star Wars.

Wow. That was made with little irony, or Tusken Raiders.

The Clone Wars cartoon starts this Friday at 9 pm on Cartoon Network. Watch it! If you love Star Wars, you’ll be home on a Friday night anyway. They had a preview on Cartoon Network this weekend, and the series looks phenomenal. Yes, this comes from an unapologetic Star Wars fanboy. But watching this preview, it’s hard to believe this will be on television every week. We have new Star Wars adventures every week on television! And it comes equipped with an Ackbar-style (Mon Calamari) Jedi!

Lucasfilm is the master of trailer-making, getting people’s hopes up beyond believable expectations, and then delivering an impressive product that people are nevertheless disappointed with, but look at that trailer! How can you’re a Star Wars fan?? — Whoops, deleted a few words there, or perhaps some Yoda-speak slipped in. How can you not be excited if you’re a Star Wars fan?? Thanks for pointing that out, Bloomfielb.

At an undisclosed location somewhere in America, sometime this past week, I gained access to a Clone Wars early screening. Making my way past security checks and guards armed with night vision goggles (seriously), I took my seat. My expectations of Clone Wars were realistic: Since this movie takes place between Episodes II and III, I knew there wouldn’t be any big revelations, any major character developments, or any major deaths. This is the beginning of a 100-episode television series, after all. To that end, it’s an excellent introduction, jam-packed with wall-to-wall action. But compared to the live action films, The Clone Wars feels slight.

When the lights went down, there was something distinctly different about this installment of Star Wars. For one, no 20th Century Fox logo. Instead, it’s replaced by the Warner Bros. logo, which after Dark Knight, should probably just be changed to a giant dollar sign. Also, there’s no opening crawl. Instead, we’re treated to a newsreel-style announcer and footage, setting up the story. It sets itself apart from the live action films and establishes a lighter tone necessary for an animated feature.

After a brief mention of all the main players, the movie hits the ground running, and doesn’t really stop until it’s over. We immediately dive into a battle in-progress, led by Obi-Wan and Anakin. There are battles constantly being fought, and the majority of the running time is overloaded with action. Anyone who complained about the endless political debates in the prequels will be happy to know all diplomacy has been blasted to bits in favor of non-stop explosions and clone army battle tactics.

During all this fighting, there are two important subplots that intersect. The first involves Anakin accidentally gaining an apprentice, and the second involves the Jedi helping save Jabba the Hut’s kidnapped son to gain his favor and use his trade routes for the war. Most of the Anakin/Obi-Wan banter is shifted to Anakin and “Snips,” his new apprentice. We’re only given a handful of scenes with Obi-Wan and Anakin together, but I think giving Anakin a padawan will create an interesting dynamic for him as the series goes on. We already know Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship, so it’s kind of fun to see Anakin trying to tell someone else to be patient.

The Jabba storyline is also an excuse to bring in the Sith. Dooku shows up with his new apprentice, Asajj Ventress, a badass female Sith with a proclivity for choking and, judging by her lightsaber, an admiration for Darth Maul. The Sith are involved with the kidnapping in some capacity, but I’ll leave that to you to see how it all fits together. Also, the reveal of Jabba’s son is unexpected and made me laugh.

The first half is very much a war movie. As we’ve heard all along, a great deal of time is spent with the clone troopers, particularly Captain Rex. There are some really great battles, particularly the uphill climb. It’s a really fun scene. This is where I noticed another Star Wars first: During some moments, the John Williams score was tossed aside in favor of a rock score. It’s jarring at first, because Star Wars has always been about classic themes and music, but I actually, kinda dug it. It energizes certain scenes and, again, separates it from the live action films. Something that hasn’t changed is the droid humor. In fact, it’s played up even more in Clone Wars, so if you hated it before, this movie will only deepen your disgust. It’s a strange balance, because it makes them less threatening, yet we see a high number of clone troopers killed by droids. It’s hard to be both funny and deadly, but the movie seems to want it both ways.

The second half plays more like a Star Wars movie. All the familiar characters are in place (The Cantina Band’s sax player really shines), there are showdowns between good and evil, and, of course, the Wilhelm scream is employed. This is where the story gains footing, and we get to see Dooku, Skywalker, and Kenobi do what they do best.

Clone Wars is highly entertaining and retains the spirit of Star Wars, but doesn’t carry the weight of the live action movies. There’s just not that much at stake. Since we know the outcome of the major characters, there’s little wiggle room for surprises. That said, the CG is beautiful, the voice acting is spot on, and there are a ton of cool moments to discover. As a movie, it might be missing some depth, but The Clone Wars is a great intro to the TV show, and if the quality is this good week-to-week, I’ll never miss an episode.

That’s right folks. I mentioned it on Sticky Floor Friday, and it’s actually happening. Sometime in the next few days, I’ll be seeing Clone Wars, and as soon as I do, I’ll share my experience here. I’ve always been a spoiler-free site, so I’ll most likely give the broad strokes of what to expect, how it stacks up against the movies and previous Clone Wars cartoons, and if it’s a worthy entry into the Star Wars canon. Even if there’s a gag order, I’ll do my best to let you know what I thought without getting into too much detail. Check back this weekend!