Before Valkyrie was released, there was so much bad press surrounding an American-accented, eye-patched Tom Cruise, people were calling this the nail in Cruise’s career coffin. Of course, that was before Tropic Thunder. I held my expectations higher than that, especially knowing Bryan Singer was behind the camera. And now that it’s out, Valkyrie is nowhere near as bad as everyone thought (hoped?) it would be. In fact, it’s a pretty good film with some tense sequences bogged down by a slow start and odd casting choices.
I think I would have enjoyed Valkyrie a whole lot more if it starred someone other than Tom Cruise. That’s not really a knock on Cruise, he does an adequate job playing Stauffenberg, the German colonel leading the charge on a murder plot against Hitler. He just really has no business playing the lead. This is supposed to be a story showing a growing German uprising against Hitler, proving there were good Germans out there opposed to his reign. Unfortunately, when the Germans are being portrayed by American and British actors speaking in their native accents, something gets lost in the (non)translation. When you see Tom Cruise, you see an American in a German uniform. You don’t get the emotional connection that Tom Cruise The German has suffered the atrocities of Hitler’s regime.
That said, the carrying out of the assassination attempt is extremely well-done. Bryan Singer is able to create tension out of thin air. We know the ending to this story, yet there’s a building sense that maybe they actually pulled it off. It only takes a few hesitations and loyalty oaths to unravel the whole thing. The acting is top-notch, despite the lack of German actors. Everyone effectively carries out their duties of looking extremely concerned and fearful. Any cast with Kenneth Branagh, Terence Stamp, Tom Wilkinson, and Bill Nighy is sure to nail that.
Valkyrie’s heart lies in the fact that most Germans know the end is near. They can sense that Germany will lose the war and Hitler will be killed, and it’s probably going to happen soon. In fact, it does, 9 months later. Despite this, they still risk their lives to kill Hitler, showing the world that not all Germans are evil (and also to negotiate a better peace deal). It’s admirable and courageous, a story that deserves being told. Unfortunately, Valkyrie is simply a good thriller starring Tom Cruise; not a moving tribute to the unsung heroes who tried to bring down Nazi Germany from the inside.
The Wrestler is essentially the story of ’80s wrestling superstar Jake”The Snake Roberts”. If you’ve seen the documentary Beyond The Mat, (if you haven’t, you should), Randy “The Ram” Robinson’s story will sound very familiar. Back in the ’80s at the height of professional wrestling, The Ram was on top of the world. Bigger than Hogan, if Hogan existed in the reality of this movie. He held the spotlight and probably never thought it would end. It’s a common problem with professional wrestlers. They never know when to retire. Some of them can prolong it successfully, such as Hogan or Ric Flair. Others, like Jake the Snake, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, and countless others, either die early or struggle to perform in front of 100 people, but continue to do so because it’s all they know. The Wrestler captures that feeling perfectly, and it’s heartbreaking. The Ram is washed up, putting his body on the line for 60 bucks a show, but he still garners respect in the small dressing rooms of house shows and that’s all he needs.
There’s a meticulous attention to detail about the wrestling that makes this movie 100% believable. I was a hardcore wrestling fan until 2002 (merger of WWF/WCW) and to say I was obsessed would be a gross miscalculation. Wrestling fans don’t get a lot of movies based around their sport, and when they do, it’s a marketing scam like Ready To Rumble. But we finally get our Spider-Man of wrestling. A movie that respects the genre and treats it correctly. The Ram headlining a house show in a gymnasium filled to capacity with 120 people. The “inside” look at wrestling, down to the choreography of the matches and the in-ring chatter. It’s all very authentic and pulls you into this insane world where a man will subject his body to thumb tacks, barbed wire, broken glass, and staple guns just to hear the applause of a handful of people.
The only complaint about realism I have is that The Ram pulls off ridiculous moves for a heavyweight, especially at his age. Ever see Hogan do a hurricarana? How about a frog splash? With moves like that, you wonder why The Ram wasn’t brought back to the big leagues. As the movie progresses, you realize even if he had the chance, he’d probably screw it up.
But enough about the wrestling.
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Frost/Nixon plays out a lot like a sports movie for wannabe journalists. It’s got a scrappy, overmatched underdog, a powerful, unbeatable opponent, and even a training montage. But it also bears some of the worst aspects of sports movies, including an abundance of crowd reaction shots and the same unbelievability of a really bad team taking down a giant. Luckily, they’ve got a secret weapon, and his name is Langella.
Much of the movie is spent setting up David Frost as the wrong man for the job; a playboy talk show host with more interest in ratings than politics. His interest in Nixon is purely of the sideshow circus freak variety. He has no concern for getting an admission of guilt from the former president. He just wants to entertain. It’s the reason Nixon agrees to the interview. It’ll be a cake walk and he can restore his dignity! It’s the exact plot of Mystery, Alaska, but with words replacing hockey.
The story, as directed by Ron Howard, seems a little confused at times. It’s a narrative film interrupted at key moments by a faux-documentary style with the characters breaking the fourth wall and giving interviews to camera. They essentially get on camera to tell you what you’re supposed to think. “Man, Nixon really won the first interview.” Thanks for that, talking head. How about you show us instead?? There’s something really awkward about it because they’re playing the exact same age as they are in the movie, yet somehow they have all this perspective on the situation. It takes away precious time from the core of the movie — the interviews.
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Punisher: War Zone is a fairly vile, irredeemable movie. I’m almost in shock it was directed by a woman. Within the first five minutes, Frank Castle has sliced off a man’s head, broken a woman’s neck, scalped a dude, and spun upside down on a chandelier showering bullets into henchman who are either really curious or are being pushed into the room against their will. If they just been patient and waited, Frank would have wasted his ammo on the gaudy vases and mirrors. They’re all guilty of something though, so it’s okay (Even the woman, who I imagine wasn’t at a mob dinner just for the pasta). There isn’t much to take away from the story or characters, except we learn that when Frank Castle punches someone in their face, their head explodes. It’s laughable, audacious, and poorly scripted. But guess what? I like when heads explode.
If you took all the effort The Dark Knight made to feel realistic and did the exact opposite, you’d end up with War Zone. It doesn’t take place in our world. The mobsters are more insulting to Italian Americans than an Olive Garden commercial, Jigsaw looks straight out of Dick Tracy, and Frank Castle can stroll through the city armed to the slicked-back hair with guns and grenades without anyone noticing. Even the actors treat the material like they’re delivering lines to the back of an auditorium, with one exception. Ray Stevenson makes for the best Punisher yet, at least physically. He doesn’t really say much, except when expressing his disdain for God. He barely even quips! It’s probably best that way, as Frank Castle has always let his weaponry do the talking. The character is treated like a shark; constantly moving and killing. He’s given maybe three humane moments, when remembering his slain family, regretting the accidental murder of an undercover cop, and protecting a little girl. They’re brief though, ’cause there are people to be punished.
And punished they are! Anyone who complained that previous Punishers were too light on the gore will get their fill. Here you will see every part of the body impaled, shot, stabbed, bitten, and exploded. The movie even ends on a joke about splattered brains! Sometimes violence happens for no reason, like when Frank and an FBI agent have an unarmed mob henchman in custody and Frank decides to blow his face off with a shotgun while holding a child. Or when he walks into Microchip’s apartment and finds his mom missing 3/4’s of her head. By the way, I was pleased to see Microchip finally portrayed, even if his chances of seeing screen time in a sequel are greatly diminished.
I can usually judge my enjoyment of a bad movie by how much I laugh during it. I laughed a lot during War Zone. It’s a violent comic book come to life and doesn’t try to be anything more. Once you realize that, the movie becomes pretty fun.
It’s weird to watch Punisher: War Zone just a few days before The Dark Knight comes to DVD. The Punisher and Batman aren’t too different from each other. They both seek vengeance for the murder of loved ones, both are seen as vigilantes punishing the wicked, and they both love black. The fundamental difference is that Frank Castle kills. And this difference might be the reason their movies are so different tonally. Batman has something to lose, and people can relate to that. He’s able to be put in a real-world context. A serious Punisher movie would lose people after the first frame. How can you justify a cold-blooded murderer running around your city, no matter whose side he’s on?
You can’t, which is why we cheer the fantasy of The Punisher popping heads like zits, then go on with the rest of our day!
Speed Racer is the movie equivalent of crack. On crack. In fact, it might even be too hyperactive for the ADD crowd. There’s a cut every two seconds, and when there isn’t a cut, the background is changing behind a character, or we’re given four different storylines, sometimes on the screen simultaneously. Regular two-shot conversations are replaced with heads wiping across the screen. The action scenes feel like a little kid taking Matchbox cars and ramming them together. And there are lots and lots of pretty colors. So…why did I actually like it?
The first 15 minutes alone are worth the price of admission — An introduction that jumps time and space, showing Speed as a little boy, then as a race car driver, then as a young boy again watching his brother race, then we follow his brother’s story, then we’re back to Speed as a race car driver, and Susan Sarandon shows up, and it’s all mashed together, establishing that there are no rules. And if the movie accidentally sets any rules, it will be sure to break them later. So many tricks are employed to keep your attention, it’s impossible not to be captivated by the breakneck storytelling speed. Even if you completely hate the style, you’ll be hard pressed to turn it off with all the crazy visuals unfolding in front of you. Like I said, crack. I’m not saying it’s good, but it’s so insane it demands you watch. At first. See, the problem with Speed Racer, as I guessed in Sticky Floor Friday, is that the movie is long. Wayyyy toooooo loooong. It comes in at 2 hours, 15 minutes. That’s at least 45 minutes too long, especially with the sugar-rush pace it holds. I was exhausted after a half hour, and there was still so much more to go.
The strange thing is, even though things happen so quickly, the story itself is fairly simple. Speed Racer is being wooed by a big time sponsor, but decides to stick with his father (John Goodman, looking a lot like Super Mario) and soon uncovers corruption within the racing world. Also, his brother died when he was a kid, and he is racing to avenge him. That’s it. I can’t really speak to the acting, because it’s one big scenery chew. You know, if they had scenery to chew on aside from green screens. All the tricks and colors are the Mach 5, the story and actors are just the track for it to drive on.
This movie accomplished its goal of being a live-action anime movie. It’s undeniably enthusiastic filmmaking, and for a while, that energy keeps you interested. It’s by no means a great movie, but it isn’t meant to be. It’s a big bag of M & Ms; Tasty, but if you eat them all, you’ll get sick.
Quantum of Solace is an hour and a half epilogue to Casino Royale, filled with every chase scene imaginable, including boats, planes, cars, feet, and a little moped. Between the chases is a story of revenge, international conspiracy, and piles of dead bodies. If you haven’t seen Casino Royale, you will most likely be lost during Quantum, and that has to be the first time that’s ever happened in a Bond movie. Usually you can jump in, enjoy the espionage and explosions, stare at the pretty ladies, and be on your way. It makes for a great bookend to Royale, but comes up just short of being an outright success as a sequel.
As a whole, Quantum accomplishes the impossible task of feeling both small scale and epic. The conspiracy Bond uncovers is grand in scale; An unknown organization (Quantum) with ties to everyone, even M’s long-time bodyguard, is stealing water and creating droughts for their own profit. They’re able to overthrow governments and still have time to all attend the Opera. It opens up the Bond world immeasurably, and also makes Bond that much cooler for uncovering it. At the same time, this is very much the story of James Bond dealing with grief and betrayal the only way he knows how. That’s the most important arc of this movie and it sometimes gets lots in the non-stop action. There’s little time to take a breathe. I’m not going to complain about non-stop action though, because the plane sequence and exploding hotel are pretty fantastic.
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I’m a Kevin Smith fan, so it’s hard to be unbiased when writing a review of a Kevin Smith movie (Hell, I even liked Jersey Girl). Zack and Miri Make a Porno is his latest, and big shocker, I liked it quite a bit. Not sure if I can say I completely loved it, but it’s got a lot of rewatchability and it’s anchored by one of Seth Rogen’s best performances. It also proves that Kevin Smith still knows his way around four letter words. And while Smith has always been about “dick and fart jokes,” Zack and Miri is the first time he really, really turns them into visual gags. In fact, there’s one joke in the movie that will probably make you gag, but judging by the audience’s reaction, it’ll also have you laughing for about 2 minutes. It’s one of the best/worst gross-out gags put on film.
Zack and Miri is a story about two friends who have fallen on hard times. They can’t even pay their bills to keep their electricity and water on. When they return to their 10-year high school reunion, they have trouble facing the fact that 10 years have gone by and they’ve done nothing with their lives. At one point Miri asks Zack, “We’re better than those people, right?” and Zack flatly answers, “No,” adding, “Well, unless one of them is on crack.” It’s actually a refreshing exchange that shows some maturity in Kevin Smith’s writing. Normally his characters are holier-than-thou slackers who still feel the world is in front of them, so they can piss on those around them. Even in Clerks 2, Randall was still treating customers like dirt even though he hadn’t progressed beyond flipping burgers. Here we have people who realize they haven’t reached any potential, and probably won’t achieve those big dreams they may have once had. It’s something that strikes a chord with a lot of late 20-somethings, and it’s brought sharply into focus at the high school reunion.
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Starting tonight, I will be recommending a different horror movie every day, Monday through Friday until Halloween! People always want to watch scary movies during this month, but are often misguided in their efforts. I’ll cover everything from horror that makes you laugh to horror that requires a shower as soon as the credits roll. (I Spit On Your Grave, anyone?).
I bet Jerry Seinfeld would love Burn After Reading. It’s a movie about nothing, and it knows it, going as far as telling us during the final scene. But dammit, no one does nothing better than the Coen’s. They fill the entire 90 minutes of Burn After Reading with unique, hilarious characters who, even if you don’t like them, win you over with earnestness. For instance, Brad Pitt isn’t just stupid in this movie. He’s operating on a 3rd grade level. George Clooney isn’t just an adulterer, he’s a chronic adulterer with accessories. And John Malkovich is, well, John Malkovich, but drunk.
