I am notorious in my hatred for Fox’s Mad TV, the sketch show without an ounce of subtlety in its unfunny bones (doesn’t have a funny bone either). I have never, once, ever laughed at the show during the times I’ve had the misfortune of leaving Comedy Central on for too long. But now, just as we’re given word that Ridley Scott is planning on sullying his career forever, the pop culture gods have brought a little balance to the Force by canceling Mad TV and its loud, broad, cartoony brand of sketch. That doesn’t erase the fact that the show has inexplicably been on the air for 14 seasons or that re-runs will still air on Comedy Central through the end of this year, but soon, my friends, we will be Mad TV free.
And you thought Jaden Smith remaking Karate Kid was bad? Ridley Scott, director of Alien, Blade Runner, and Black Hawk Down, is producing (and possible directing) a big screen version of Monopoly. Seriously. Apparently, it will have a “futuristic twist” in the vein of Blade Runner. So instead of Deckard chasing down replicants, he’s going to be collecting Marvin Gardens?
Now that Ridley Scott has paved the way, think of all the exciting projects elite directors can attach themselves to without fear of joining an artistically bankrupt project!
I’ve been putting off talking about this all morning. But now it’s totally official. Will Smith’s son Jaden is starring in a remake of The Karate Kid. Let me repeat that. The Karate Kid is being remade with Jaden Smith in the role of Daniel Larusso. Macchio was 23 when he made the original. Jaden is…10. Mr. Miyagi immortalized Pat Morita and was even nominated for an Oscar. He’s irreplaceable. Billy Zabka was one of the best villains of the ’80s as Johnny “Sweep the Leg” Lawrence. Maybe he can reprise his role and become truly evil by putting a beat down on a 10-year-old.
I get it. It’s called The Karate Kid. This time, he’s actually a kid! Apparently this new movie is going to “borrow elements” from the original, but alter things to suit little Jaden. If that’s the case, they pretty much have to change the entire movie. The themes of the original Karate Kid are not age-appropriate for a 10-year-old. What about the Elizabeth Shue storyline, where Daniel feels inadequate because her family is well off? Is Jaden going to have a play date with a rich, child beauty pageant contestant? How about all the lessons Miyagi teaches? All of a sudden, waxing the floor and painting the fence turn into child labor! And what about the scene where Miyagi gives Daniel a car for his birthday? Is he going to give Jaden a Power Wheels Jeep?
I was thinking of seeing a movie today, so I went to movietickets.com to find out what was playing. To my surprise, 11 theaters in a 30 mile radius are holding midnight screenings of…The Rocker!! Wait, The Rocker? That second-rate School of Rock starring Rainn Wilson?? I thought midnight openings were reserved for event movies, not buzzless retreads. Theaters might actually lose money by staying open and letting in the six rabid fans of “The Office” who show up.
In a news development that should be shocking to no one, nude photos of Diablo Cody have been uncovered by the website Egotastic (Find it yourself. This is about the news, not the nudes).
Now, major news outlets are picking up on this and running with it. Headlines such as “Nude Scandal for Diablo Cody” and “Diablo Cody in More Trouble Than an Oscar Montage Editor” (E!’s headline, not mine) are making their way across the country. Why is anyone surprised by this? The woman previously earned an income by removing her clothing. Obviously, she’s comfortable with her body. Hey! Did you know Diablo Cody was a stripper before she wrote the Oscar-winning screenplay for “Juno?” You did?? Oh, because they mentioned it on the Oscars 19 times, and the words “Diablo Cody” and “Stripper” are always used in the same sentence? Wow! Then why the hell is this a scandal??
It’s a scandal when an actor goes off and murders someone. It’s a scandal if they’ve been caught with a trannie hooker. It’s NOT a scandal when everyone knows you were a stripper, and topless picture of you are released. Sounds like a normal day in the life, if you ask me.
This just goes to show that not even an Oscar is more powerful than boobs.
In a news development that should be shocking to no one, nude photos of Diablo Cody have been uncovered by the website Egotastic (Find it yourself. This is about the news, not the nudes).
Now, major news outlets are picking up on this and running with it. Headlines such as “Nude Scandal for Diablo Cody” and “Diablo Cody in More Trouble Than an Oscar Montage Editor” (E!’s headline, not mine) are making their way across the country. Why is anyone surprised by this? The woman previously earned an income by removing her clothing. Obviously, she’s comfortable with her body. Hey! Did you know Diablo Cody was a stripper before she wrote the Oscar-winning screenplay for “Juno?” You did?? Oh, because they mentioned it on the Oscars 19 times, and the words “Diablo Cody” and “Stripper” are always used in the same sentence? Wow! Then why the hell is this a scandal??
It’s a scandal when an actor goes off and murders someone. It’s a scandal if they’ve been caught with a trannie hooker. It’s NOT a scandal when everyone knows you were a stripper, and topless picture of you are released. Sounds like a normal day in the life, if you ask me.
This just goes to show that not even an Oscar is more powerful than boobs.
