There’s no Sticky Floor Friday this week. You should be outside, celebrating America by setting off illegal fireworks and holding back alley eating challenges with absurd food (hummus).

So, in lieu of a new video, I now present Optimus Prime caught in compromising positions. For no reason at all.

Click the stupid jump to see the entire gallery (more…)

I wouldn’t be doing my nerdly duties if I didn’t tell you about this web show I discovered via Funny Or Die titled The Line. It’s a story centered around one of the all-time great/sad nerd-movie pastimes — waiting in line for a movie. It stars Bill Hader and Joe Lu Truglio as dudes jumping back in the line game for a new movie. There are seven episodes total, and it’s a highly entertaining tribute to nerds.

Below is the first episode. If you want to watch them all, CLICK HERE!

Okay. The Dark Knight is coming. I get it. Comparisons to the other Batmovies will inevitably come up, which means jokes about Batman And Robin aren’t far behind. But please. Can we all just agree to stop making “Nipples on the Batsuit” jokes? I was scrolling through a Peter Travers retrospective on Rollingstone.com, where he casually mentions Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher, and feels the need to add a parenthetical reference to the infamous milk dispensers:

If Tim Burton lifted the DC Comics franchise to gothic splendor and Joel Schumacher buried it in campy overkill (George Clooney’s Batsuit had nipples), then Bale and director Christopher Nolan — the mind-teasing whiz behind Memento and Insomnia — deserve credit for resurrecting Batman as Bruce Wayne

The problem here is that the nipple joke is the automatic go-to for a Batman and Robin joke. It’s just that I’ve heard it 9000 times since 1997. Even I’m not above a nip slip, as evidenced in my “Five Worst Comic Book Movies” post where I wrote: “If you ever wanted a manual on how to kill a successful movie franchise, B&R gives it to you the step by step (Step One: Put Nipples On Everything).” But dammit folks, we’ve got to band together! We’re better than this! I get it. There are so many horrible things in Batman and Robin, it’s easy to point to to one, er, two perky problems (and maybe even give them a little tickle): Nipples on the Batsuit. Sadly, there are 30 other reasons why that movie sucks, and they all come before nipples.

It’s kind of shocking that nerds never had a problem with Superman wearing skin-tight, form-fitting, package-accentuating tights, but they’ll get all up in arms about a couple of bumps on plastic. There seems to be a displacement of homophobia here. Shouldn’t you also be mad at the X-Men, who could be construed as an allegory for homosexuality? Are you still in denial about how Sam and Frodo kept warm on the trek to Mordor?

Anyway, let’s just all acknowledge that yes, there were nipples on the Batsuit, and no, it doesn’t need to be brought up every single time Schumacher-era Batman is talked about. Instead, why not talk about Robin? What a homo!

Okay. The Dark Knight is coming. I get it. Comparisons to the other Batmovies will inevitably come up, which means jokes about Batman And Robin aren’t far behind. But please. Can we all just agree to stop making “Nipples on the Batsuit” jokes? I was scrolling through a Peter Travers retrospective on Rollingstone.com, where he casually mentions Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher, and feels the need to add a parenthetical reference to the infamous milk dispensers:

If Tim Burton lifted the DC Comics franchise to gothic splendor and Joel Schumacher buried it in campy overkill (George Clooney’s Batsuit had nipples), then Bale and director Christopher Nolan — the mind-teasing whiz behind Memento and Insomnia — deserve credit for resurrecting Batman as Bruce Wayne

The problem here is that the nipple joke is the automatic go-to for a Batman and Robin joke. It’s just that I’ve heard it 9000 times since 1997. Even I’m not above a nip slip, as evidenced in my “Five Worst Comic Book Movies” post where I wrote: “If you ever wanted a manual on how to kill a successful movie franchise, B&R gives it to you the step by step (Step One: Put Nipples On Everything).” But dammit folks, we’ve got to band together! We’re better than this! I get it. There are so many horrible things in Batman and Robin, it’s easy to point to to one, er, two perky problems (and maybe even give them a little tickle): Nipples on the Batsuit. Sadly, there are 30 other reasons why that movie sucks, and they all come before nipples.

It’s kind of shocking that nerds never had a problem with Superman wearing skin-tight, form-fitting, package-accentuating tights, but they’ll get all up in arms about a couple of bumps on plastic. There seems to be a displacement of homophobia here. Shouldn’t you also be mad at the X-Men, who could be construed as an allegory for homosexuality? Are you still in denial about how Sam and Frodo kept warm on the trek to Mordor?

Anyway, let’s just all acknowledge that yes, there were nipples on the Batsuit, and no, it doesn’t need to be brought up every single time Schumacher-era Batman is talked about. Instead, why not talk about Robin? What a homo!

With The Dark Knight less than two weeks away, Batman fever is reaching critical mass. The Batmobile and the Bat Pod are currently on tour for all to stare at, but they’ve taken precautions so nerds like me don’t get too close. My correspondent in Cleveland sent along this video and shows that his excitement is not bound by retractable rope.

PS – The Bat Pod is tiny!

It’s strange how things work. Just yesterday I was making my first Christopher Lambert reference since I saw Mortal Kombat in theaters, and then, comes this news that they’re going to remake his decapitation classic, Highlander. Much like Highlanders themselves, movies last forever. So, the real question is, if there are two versions of the original Highlander, will the DVD’s spend the rest of eternity hunting each other down, trying to steal the other’s power?

I love the original Highlander, mostly due to the fact that Christopher Lambert made up his own accent because he figured a guy who’s lived for hundreds of years would pick up a bunch of dialects. But also because of the head chopping and totally sweet soundtrack (lots of Queen, I think). Unfortunately, the series went downhill quickly with the aptly titled Highlander II: The Quickening, followed by, like, four more movies and a TV show. And since Hollywood is now simply the land of remakes, there’s worse source material out there than this. All I ask is, cast Christopher Lambert in the Sean Connery role. I want to hear his ridiculous accent again!

Hooray for Variety E-mail Alerts! This news story just floated into my inbox. Guillermo del Toro has officially signed on to direct The Hobbit and its mysterious sequel. He’s moving to New Zealand for the next four years to give us the next (er, first?) chapter in the Middle Earth saga. The second Hobbit movie apparently deals with the 60-year period between The Hobbit and Fellowship of the Ring. Does anyone else think Peter Jackson’s diarrhea of the running time will turn the sequel into a 60 hour movie?

Hooray for Variety E-mail Alerts! This news story just floated into my inbox. Guillermo del Toro has officially signed on to direct The Hobbit and its mysterious sequel. He’s moving to New Zealand for the next four years to give us the next (er, first?) chapter in the Middle Earth saga. The second Hobbit movie apparently deals with the 60-year period between The Hobbit and Fellowship of the Ring. Does anyone else think Peter Jackson’s diarrhea of the running time will turn the sequel into a 60 hour movie?

Thanks to everyone who watched “Yeah! Weed!”, the video made it on the front page of Funny Or Die!! Granted, it’s not at the very top yet, but maybe if you watch it about 12 more times and vote funny, it could get there. If that happens, I’ll give everyone 12 theoretical Internet dollars! You can spend that nowhere!

Thanks to everyone who watched “Yeah! Weed!”, the video made it on the front page of Funny Or Die!! Granted, it’s not at the very top yet, but maybe if you watch it about 12 more times and vote funny, it could get there. If that happens, I’ll give everyone 12 theoretical Internet dollars! You can spend that nowhere!