Well, looks like my Hellboy II offer from Sticky Floor Friday is safe. I just found this article at Yahoo! Movies (courtesy of /Film), proclaiming that Delgo had the worst wide release opening EVER, edging out the parking garage horror movie P2 and the sports sequel horror movie Major League: Back to the Minors. It averaged $237 per theater, which according to the article, comes out to 2 people per theater. That’s one less than when I saw Punisher War Zone! Looks like I won’t be seeing any ticket stubs for this movie.
Thank God! That was my first reaction after seeing Rocknrolla, the new movie from Guy Ritchie. After struggling to maintain the success of Snatch, Ritchie fell into a funk, directing two superbombs that seemed to indicate his flashy style was simply a flash in the pan. Swept Away and Revolver were so dreadful, they barely got a release in the United States, and Revolver even starred everyone’s favorite man-crush, Jason Statham! So you can imagine my fear walking into his latest effort. But rest assured, nerds, RocknRolla is a solid effort and proof that Ritchie can be relevant again.
Trying to explain this movie would hurt my brain and my fingers. I can just call it a Guy Ritchie movie, and you could probably figure out what the plot is. Essentially, it’s low level criminals working to get their share against a wealthy kingpin. There are coincidences, plot twists, and a subplot involving a Russian and a painting. It takes about a half hour for the movie to get on track, simply because there’s so much to explain before we get into the story. It’s tedious at first, trying to sort out what each character does and why they’ll be essential to the story, but it’s worth getting through. The main character and narrator is Archie, a steady, likable character despite being the assistant for the underworld crime boss. I really liked the performance of Mark Strong, who plays Archie as an intelligent, fiercely loyal person with a mean backhand slap. Gerard Butler subs for the usual Jason Statham character in this movie, and he does an adequate job. His character is pretty thin, but he’s engaging and stable enough to enhance the wacky characters around him. Plus, he has several scenes where he dances, and they’re all funny.
As with every Guy Ritchie movie, violence and comedy go hand in hand. Rocknrolla is notable for an extended robbery/chase scene that seems to go on forever, but never feels dull. At one point, One Two is escaping a pissed-off, indestructible Russian on foot and they’re too exhausted to even break into a sprint. When the Russian falls to his knees, out of energy, One Two double backs and slaps him in the face, just for kicks. His enjoyment is ruined when a second, equally tired Russian shows up to continue the low speed pursuit. And even when you think it’s over, it just keeps going, piling on amusing gimmicks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a slow foot chase on film, and never realized how entertaining it would be.
I also like how the title Rocknrolla doesn’t really make sense until things become more clear. The kingpin has a junkie rock star son who fakes his own death to sell more albums and do more drugs. That seems to be the extent of his story until he comes into possession of a painting that sends him on a crash course with his estranged father and ultimately ties every character together. It’s refreshing to see this cardboard character expand before your eyes and add an unexpected element to the proceedings. In fact, there are a lot of characters who are full of surprises, and part of Rocknrolla’s strength is revealing them at opportune moments.
Chances are you won’t catch Rocknrolla in theaters, as it had a limited release, but I definitely recommend picking it up on DVD if you were a fan of Lock Stock and Snatch. The formula hasn’t changed, but Guy Ritchie has toned down his more overstylized elements and delivered a solid crime tale with some really funny moments.
Starting tonight, I will be recommending a different horror movie every day, Monday through Friday until Halloween! People always want to watch scary movies during this month, but are often misguided in their efforts. I’ll cover everything from horror that makes you laugh to horror that requires a shower as soon as the credits roll. (I Spit On Your Grave, anyone?).
Remember that reference I made about Gervais starring in THE Office and Steve Carrell starring in The Office on Sticky Floor Friday? Seems they decided to battle it out at the Emmy’s last night….in a tickle fight.
I bet Jerry Seinfeld would love Burn After Reading. It’s a movie about nothing, and it knows it, going as far as telling us during the final scene. But dammit, no one does nothing better than the Coen’s. They fill the entire 90 minutes of Burn After Reading with unique, hilarious characters who, even if you don’t like them, win you over with earnestness. For instance, Brad Pitt isn’t just stupid in this movie. He’s operating on a 3rd grade level. George Clooney isn’t just an adulterer, he’s a chronic adulterer with accessories. And John Malkovich is, well, John Malkovich, but drunk.
I’ve been a fan of Metallica for a looong time, and I like everything they’ve put out. I’m not one of those “They Sold Out!” fans who think Metallica’s talent lies in their hair follicles. I didn’t care when they cut their hair in the mid-nineties. In fact, I’m a fan of the Load/Reload era for the sheer fact that they tried to expand their musical range. They understand that bands must evolve or they die. Yes, their earlier work (…And Justice, Master of Puppets) is groundbreaking, but there’s nothing wrong with a little accessibility. Yet still, the fan base was clamoring for a back to basics approach, so Metallica attempted to reboot a few years ago with St. Anger. It felt a little like pandering in its last attempt to blow my socks off my feet. It was an entirely different sound for Metallica — passable but too raw and devoid of ear-bleeding guitar solos. It was disappointing for fans of both the old AND the new Metallica.
And now we come to Death Magnetic, their newest album. It took all these years and all those albums mentioned above to get to this point, and the result is astonishing. Gone are the tidy bursts of metal seen in Load. Kirk Hammett is given free reign to rip off solo after solo in songs that chug along for 7 minutes without releasing their grip. This is the Metallica album people were hoping St. Anger would be. This is the Metallica album that proves they can still thrash better than anyone. And you know what? It passes the ultimate test of a Metallica album: It’s dangerous to play in a car! Over the weekend, I found myself finally battling traffic with a soundtrack that matched my anger behind the wheel. Every track (with the exception of Unforgiven III) is intended to melt your skin off your face, which makes it difficult to stay relaxed when some jerk in a Bentley cuts you off. Not only is his car nicer than mine, but he’s a lousy driver, and James Hetfield is telling me to hunt him down without mercy.
Death Magnetic gets a rating of 5 car crashes out of 5. Let’s hope that’s not prophetic.
By the way, you lose Circuit City! I totally went to Target and bought my copy of Death Magnetic. Circuit City - 0. Target - 10! Dollars! Burn!
I dropped by Circuit City yesterday to pick up some new printer ink, and the new Metallica album, because Circuit City advertised they were selling it for $8.99. I assumed the new CD was coming out on Tuesday because CDs ALWAYS come out on Tuesday. I found the CD section, grabbed a copy of “Death Magnetic,” and brought it up to the register. So wasn’t I surprised when the dude at the register said, “I can’t sell this to you.”
What??
“This doesn’t come out until Friday,” the clueless fella told me. “The computer won’t let me sell it to you.” If this thing doesn’t come out until Friday, why the hell are your shelves littered with it? And how am I holding it in my hands at this very moment? Clearly they have the product on the shelf, it’s their mistake and they should pay for it by letting me headbang in my car. Despite my anger and tactful negotiating, I was shut down. As if to console me, the front door security guy did let me know Metallica was playing at The LA Forum in December. Thanks, security guy. I think I can outrun you.
Needless to say, I didn’t shoplift. But I am angry at both Circuit City AND Metallica. Who refuses to sell someone a product that’s on their shelves? And who releases an album on a Friday?? This thing better be worth the wait.
Wow, this is crazy, but Variety is reporting that Columbia Pictures is apparently not satisfied with simply a video game sequel, and wants an honest-to-god third Ghostbusters movie. They’ve hired a couple of executive producers from “The Office” to write the script, which is really strange because I thought for sure if a new Ghostbusters movie would come about, it would be at the hands of Ramis and Aykroyd. Although, they wrote Harold Ramis’s new movie Year One, so maybe there’s a connection there. The idea is to get the original ‘busters together (Yes, including Winston Zeddemore himself, Ernie Hudson!).
Personally, I would be shocked if Bill Murray returned to the series. He always seemed the most reluctant in the past. But I won’t sit lie and say I don’t want to see another Ghostbusters movie. With the (marginally) successful returns of Die Hard, Indiana Jones, and Rambo, I see no reason why these ’80s icons can’t come back as well. Besides, if they add some new blood (like the random girl above, who you may refer to as the Mutt Williams of Ghostbusters), it could keep things interesting.
Also, will this finally bring RICK MORANIS out from the shadows??? Time will tell.
