The Nerd Previews Up And Drag Me To Hell
Friday, May 29th, 2009Ooh, Raimi!
Ooh, Raimi!
This is not the future James Cameron warned us about.
I’ve got to get a library…Fast!
That guy is a jerk!
Sigh. Following on the heels of Wolverine’s robbery of our money and a little bit of his own respectability, there’s already word that X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2 (Or is it X-Men Origins 2: Wolverine, or X-Men 5: Wolverine 2: Japanese Vacation??) is in development. This time, we’ll get the Japanese storylines that were prevalent (and awesome) in his comics. Hooray! You know what would have been better news? If they used those stories for the FIRST movie!
Despite my berserker rage towards XMO:W, I will reserve judgment on the sequel (prequel? prequel sequel?) until the pieces start to fall into place. Something drastic needs to happen with the X-Men/Wolvie franchise in order for it to stay relevant. Let’s start by wooing back Bryan Singer, then shooting me in the head with an adamantium bullet that also magically erases my memories of the first Wolverine movie.
Today is, apparently, Star Wars Day. Which means, for me, it’s exactly like every other day…

Leaving X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I had several lingering questions. The first was, “I waited through the credits for that?” The second, and more important was, “What exactly was the point?”
Wolverine is an exercise in futility; a movie with no stakes, no consequences, and no real thrills. It’s just an excuse to get Hugh Jackman back in his star-making role without having to pay the entire cast of X-Men. It’s supposed to shed light on his beginnings and explain how he became a killing machine. But the bulk of that was effectively covered in X2. Wolverine’s relationship with Stryker in X2 is more of a father-son deal. It implies their connection is fairly complex. But as Origins shows, Stryker’s just the guy who injects Logan with adamantium. Sure, he also orchestrates a fake marriage and steals his DNA, but if their relationship is (and should have been) the crux of Origins, it fails completely.
The other important relationship in the movie is between Logan and Victor Creed, his brother (Liev Schreiber). Unfortunately, there’s no motivation for Sabretooth, except that he likes to kill things. And when Wolvie objects to the killing of innocent things, Sabretooth takes it personally. Uh, okay. Wolverine does gain motivation when Sabre kills his wife, but that proves to be useless and false anyway. Again, exercise in futility. Especially when, at the end of the movie, Victor has a change of heart for the stupidest of reasons. (”Nobody kills you but me.”) Everything is painted in broadstrokes like this.
As I mentioned in Sticky Floor Friday, there are about 30 mutant jammed into this movie. And every single one of them is useless. Take Gambit, for instance. It really feels like there was a meeting where the producers said, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if we had Gambit in this movie? I don’t care if the script is already written, just stick him in there somewhere!” I love me some Tim Riggins (Friday Night Lights fans represent!), but Taylor Kitsch is given nothing to do in his three scenes as Gambit. He doesn’t have a memorable introduction or a memorable line, and he exists based solely on his reputation from the comics. Anyone who didn’t know him before this movie won’t know him after.
To read the entire review, click the stupid jump. (more…)