I’ve been a fan of Metallica for a looong time, and I like everything they’ve put out. I’m not one of those “They Sold Out!” fans who think Metallica’s talent lies in their hair follicles. I didn’t care when they cut their hair in the mid-nineties. In fact, I’m a fan of the Load/Reload era for the sheer fact that they tried to expand their musical range. They understand that bands must evolve or they die. Yes, their earlier work (…And Justice, Master of Puppets) is groundbreaking, but there’s nothing wrong with a little accessibility. Yet still, the fan base was clamoring for a back to basics approach, so Metallica attempted to reboot a few years ago with St. Anger. It felt a little like pandering in its last attempt to blow my socks off my feet. It was an entirely different sound for Metallica — passable but too raw and devoid of ear-bleeding guitar solos. It was disappointing for fans of both the old AND the new Metallica.
And now we come to Death Magnetic, their newest album. It took all these years and all those albums mentioned above to get to this point, and the result is astonishing. Gone are the tidy bursts of metal seen in Load. Kirk Hammett is given free reign to rip off solo after solo in songs that chug along for 7 minutes without releasing their grip. This is the Metallica album people were hoping St. Anger would be. This is the Metallica album that proves they can still thrash better than anyone. And you know what? It passes the ultimate test of a Metallica album: It’s dangerous to play in a car! Over the weekend, I found myself finally battling traffic with a soundtrack that matched my anger behind the wheel. Every track (with the exception of Unforgiven III) is intended to melt your skin off your face, which makes it difficult to stay relaxed when some jerk in a Bentley cuts you off. Not only is his car nicer than mine, but he’s a lousy driver, and James Hetfield is telling me to hunt him down without mercy.
Death Magnetic gets a rating of 5 car crashes out of 5. Let’s hope that’s not prophetic.
By the way, you lose Circuit City! I totally went to Target and bought my copy of Death Magnetic. Circuit City – 0. Target – 10! Dollars! Burn!
For this week’s Saturday Comedy, I HAD to post this unbelievable picture sent to me by B.J. Prassinos, an avid reader of the site. This is from a church in Ohio, and, as he states, “Nothing like using fear to influence people. Very Christian.”
I dropped by Circuit City yesterday to pick up some new printer ink, and the new Metallica album, because Circuit City advertised they were selling it for $8.99. I assumed the new CD was coming out on Tuesday because CDs ALWAYS come out on Tuesday. I found the CD section, grabbed a copy of “Death Magnetic,” and brought it up to the register. So wasn’t I surprised when the dude at the register said, “I can’t sell this to you.”
What??
“This doesn’t come out until Friday,” the clueless fella told me. “The computer won’t let me sell it to you.” If this thing doesn’t come out until Friday, why the hell are your shelves littered with it? And how am I holding it in my hands at this very moment? Clearly they have the product on the shelf, it’s their mistake and they should pay for it by letting me headbang in my car. Despite my anger and tactful negotiating, I was shut down. As if to console me, the front door security guy did let me know Metallica was playing at The LA Forum in December. Thanks, security guy. I think I can outrun you.
Needless to say, I didn’t shoplift. But I am angry at both Circuit City AND Metallica. Who refuses to sell someone a product that’s on their shelves? And who releases an album on a Friday?? This thing better be worth the wait.
Revelation #1: I Don’t Care What You Say…Death Proof is AWESOME!
Death Proof catches a lot of flack for being saddled with the failed Grindhouse experiment last year, and ultimately gets overlooked as a Tarantino indulgence. And guess what? It totally is, but it shouldn’t be dismissed because of that. This is the most self-referential movie he’s ever made, peppered with dialogue and shots stolen straight from his earlier movies. It’s unhinged — there are 7 minute shots circling tables, there are subplots that crop up then get forgotten in the blink of an eye (or the severing of a leg, in this case), there’s an actual jukebox in the movie that changes songs at Tarantino’s whim so he can cram as many cool songs he wants with reckless abandon (according to IMDB, there are 50 songs heard on the jukebox) — and I love every minute of it. I can’t fully explain the allure of this movie, but every couple weeks, a thought will pop into my head at random times. “Man, I could really go for some Death Proof right now.” Maybe it’s the presence of Kurt Russell, who essentially takes this movie and makes it his bitch. Maybe it’s the unbelievable car chase during the back half of the movie, one of the best put on film. Or maybe it’s just because it’s fun as hell. This is Quentin Tarantino given free reign to simply shoot a collection of scenes using his best techniques, and tying it all together with a crazy stuntman who enjoys killing sexy ladies. How could that be wrong?
Revelation #2: I want to talk more about Death Proof
But I won’t.
Revelation #3: Not sure if I mentioned this last week, but…THERE WAS A BABY AT DEATH RACE!
When I went to see Death Race last week, there was a woman who brought her baby into the theater. To a movie called Death Race. And not only that, she brought the ENTIRE stroller with her. Just wheeled the infant up into Death Race and parked it in the main aisle. Seriously? A baby in Death Race? Actually, hold on a second. You know how they say playing Mozart for babies maybe, possibly helps their development? Do you think screening giant images of Statham has the same effect? Is Jason Statham today’s Mozart? That’s the first time that question has ever appeared on the internet, and I’m damn proud I could do my part to contribute.
Revelation #4: The Over/Under on De Niro/Pacino yell-acting scenes in Righteous Kill is 400.
Everyone knows Al Pacino loves to yell-act. For instance, my favorite Pacino yell-acting scene is from Heat, and it’s right here.
I do a fantastic impression of that line. Ask me to do it sometime.
Chances are when you combine these two heavyweights, they’ll want to show off a little bit. And the best way to show off (and to earn Oscar nominations) is to yell. A lot. I’m sure Pacino will yell more, as De Niro’s style is usually more subdued, but I know he’s got some anger inside, ready to be let out.
By the way, is Righteous Kill the best movie we can come up for these two legends to be in? Righteous Kill? That is simply an awful title, and the idea itself seems pretty overcooked. They’re buddy cops investigating murders and one of them is probably committing them. Or something. I guess it could be worse. It could have been a comedy. An intentional comedy.
The geek streak continues with some Lord of the Rings trivia, and the strangest non-sequitur on Sticky Floor Friday yet concerning Nicolas Cage’s gender.
Thank god for that Lord of the Rings marathon a few weeks ago.
Wow, this is crazy, but Variety is reporting that Columbia Pictures is apparently not satisfied with simply a video game sequel, and wants an honest-to-god third Ghostbusters movie. They’ve hired a couple of executive producers from “The Office” to write the script, which is really strange because I thought for sure if a new Ghostbusters movie would come about, it would be at the hands of Ramis and Aykroyd. Although, they wrote Harold Ramis’s new movie Year One, so maybe there’s a connection there. The idea is to get the original ‘busters together (Yes, including Winston Zeddemore himself, Ernie Hudson!).
Personally, I would be shocked if Bill Murray returned to the series. He always seemed the most reluctant in the past. But I won’t sit lie and say I don’t want to see another Ghostbusters movie. With the (marginally) successful returns of Die Hard, Indiana Jones, and Rambo, I see no reason why these ’80s icons can’t come back as well. Besides, if they add some new blood (like the random girl above, who you may refer to as the Mutt Williams of Ghostbusters), it could keep things interesting.
Also, will this finally bring RICK MORANIS out from the shadows??? Time will tell.
