I was thinking of seeing a movie today, so I went to movietickets.com to find out what was playing. To my surprise, 11 theaters in a 30 mile radius are holding midnight screenings of…The Rocker!! Wait, The Rocker? That second-rate School of Rock starring Rainn Wilson?? I thought midnight openings were reserved for event movies, not buzzless retreads. Theaters might actually lose money by staying open and letting in the six rabid fans of “The Office” who show up.
I just saw the new billboard for Eagle Eye, the new Shia Lebouf movie, and I immediately had two thoughts. First, we’re going to be seeing a lot of LeBeouf in the coming years (so long as he stops pounding drinks and getting behind the wheel. You’re rich, hire a driver, dummy!). And second, since we’re going to be seeing a lot of Shia, that must mean he’s becoming a major movie star. How do I know this? Because I own a copy of the “How To Become A Movie Star” handbook*. Unfortunately, I wasn’t on a Disney show and Steven Spielberg doesn’t have a crush on me, so you’re stuck with Shia. Shame. I would have made quite the Mutt Williams.
Back to Eagle Eye. Apparently, the path to movie stardom leads you right through the “Paranoid Thriller” genre. Every gigantic movie star has dabbled in it, sometimes early in their career, and sometimes on numerous occasions. Shia seems to be taking both of these to heart, because he already starred in Disturbia just a year ago and now he’s back with Eagle Eye. The Paranoid Thriller is a prerequisite to movie stardom. I’m convinced. And now I will convince you. Behold:
If you’re looking for a paranoid thriller at your local movie store, just look for an extremely drab box. By the way, and if you’re wondering who thinks people are after him the most…
Here’s a fun game. Name some more paranoid thrillers starring big-time actors. They don’t even have to be good (Paycheck, Butterfly Effect), but the actor should be at or above the Affleck/Kutcher status line at the time the movie was made.
* “How To Become a Movie Star” Handbook doesn’t exist, but here are three tips: Love what you do, believe in your talents, and be willing to work hard and sacrifice everything for your dreams. If those fail, be willing to skin George Clooney and wear his flesh. It’s the closest you’ll get to fame.
I wouldn’t be doing my nerdly duties if I didn’t tell you about this web show I discovered via Funny Or Die titled The Line. It’s a story centered around one of the all-time great/sad nerd-movie pastimes — waiting in line for a movie. It stars Bill Hader and Joe Lu Truglio as dudes jumping back in the line game for a new movie. There are seven episodes total, and it’s a highly entertaining tribute to nerds.
Below is the first episode. If you want to watch them all, CLICK HERE!
I was ready for this movie. I mean, I was ready for this movie. Do you understand what I’m saying? This is a stoner movie. I was ready for it, prepared to laugh non-stop for two hours. But once the end credits rolled, I was more than a little confused, and that had nothing to do with my state of mind. Pineapple Express is a really odd movie, a hybrid between Half Baked,Hot Fuzz, and any movie starring Chevy Chase. It wants to make you laugh, but also wants to pack in a bunch of needless violence, and unlike Hot Fuzz, it makes no sense to the story. Why would a lazy process server and a shut-in pot dealer so easily embrace violence, guns, and bloodshed? They’re stoned the whole movie, they should be docile!
This is not to say that I completely hated the movie. James Franco is consistently hilarious, single-handedly saving what could have been a gigantic failure. Seth Rogen plays Stoned Seth Rogen, and part of me thinks he wrote the movie just so he could be an action hero. It’s strange seeing him ram somebody’s head into a wall for no reason. Most of the supporting actors do their job, even if their characters don’t make any sense. The hitmen (and Gary Cole’s character) are somehow both menacing and non-threatening at the same time. They will riff, bicker, and crack jokes, then immediately plug someone with three bullets. And it’s not like Pulp Fiction riffing. It’s like, “You can wear my vest. It smells nice”-type riffing. It’s funny, but funny in an “Comedy Club Improv Night” sense. It has nothing to do with the story. But wait, why am I talking about the story in a stoner comedy? We’re just supposed to laugh, right?
Well, yes. There are a ton of laughs to be found in Pineapple Express, but it also makes these crazy leaps of logic, bouncing around from scene to scene with no real care for where it ends up. And even a stoned viewer would give pause after a while and ask, “Huh?” The final scene, where the main characters sit around for five minutes and talk about the movie we just watched, is really, really strange. “Huh?” Seth Rogen has a high school girlfriend who you think will play prominently into the story, then disappears at the 3/4 mark. “Huh?” I’m assuming she’s still in a hotel room somewhere. Danny McBride’s character is shot like, 20 times throughout the movie and survives. “Huh?” At one point, Seth Rogen’s character sheds his pants and carries James Franco to safety. The whole thing is so bizarre, I started to wonder if the whole action part of the movie was simply a dream or hallucination, punctuated by Rogen’s lack of pants as often happens in dreams. Nothing crazy happens to the characters until they smoke the Pineapple Express. It’s the only way I could justify the insane shift in tone where the last half hour turns into a ridiculous shootout involving Asians and Rosie Perez. Maybe it’s all a fantasy. Or maybe I’m the one who needs to lay off the Pineapple Express.
I’d still recommend Pineapple Express for James Franco’s performance, and enough laughs to get you through about an hour and a half. Unfortunately, the movie is two hours long and could have used an editor who wasn’t afraid to kill some of the improv to improve the movie. It sort of ambles along, not sure where it will end up. Much like a stoner lost in the woods.
At an undisclosed location somewhere in America, sometime this past week, I gained access to a Clone Wars early screening. Making my way past security checks and guards armed with night vision goggles (seriously), I took my seat. My expectations of Clone Wars were realistic: Since this movie takes place between Episodes II and III, I knew there wouldn’t be any big revelations, any major character developments, or any major deaths. This is the beginning of a 100-episode television series, after all. To that end, it’s an excellent introduction, jam-packed with wall-to-wall action. But compared to the live action films, The Clone Wars feels slight.
When the lights went down, there was something distinctly different about this installment of Star Wars. For one, no 20th Century Fox logo. Instead, it’s replaced by the Warner Bros. logo, which after Dark Knight, should probably just be changed to a giant dollar sign. Also, there’s no opening crawl. Instead, we’re treated to a newsreel-style announcer and footage, setting up the story. It sets itself apart from the live action films and establishes a lighter tone necessary for an animated feature.
After a brief mention of all the main players, the movie hits the ground running, and doesn’t really stop until it’s over. We immediately dive into a battle in-progress, led by Obi-Wan and Anakin. There are battles constantly being fought, and the majority of the running time is overloaded with action. Anyone who complained about the endless political debates in the prequels will be happy to know all diplomacy has been blasted to bits in favor of non-stop explosions and clone army battle tactics.
During all this fighting, there are two important subplots that intersect. The first involves Anakin accidentally gaining an apprentice, and the second involves the Jedi helping save Jabba the Hut’s kidnapped son to gain his favor and use his trade routes for the war. Most of the Anakin/Obi-Wan banter is shifted to Anakin and “Snips,” his new apprentice. We’re only given a handful of scenes with Obi-Wan and Anakin together, but I think giving Anakin a padawan will create an interesting dynamic for him as the series goes on. We already know Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship, so it’s kind of fun to see Anakin trying to tell someone else to be patient.
The Jabba storyline is also an excuse to bring in the Sith. Dooku shows up with his new apprentice, Asajj Ventress, a badass female Sith with a proclivity for choking and, judging by her lightsaber, an admiration for Darth Maul. The Sith are involved with the kidnapping in some capacity, but I’ll leave that to you to see how it all fits together. Also, the reveal of Jabba’s son is unexpected and made me laugh.
The first half is very much a war movie. As we’ve heard all along, a great deal of time is spent with the clone troopers, particularly Captain Rex. There are some really great battles, particularly the uphill climb. It’s a really fun scene. This is where I noticed another Star Wars first: During some moments, the John Williams score was tossed aside in favor of a rock score. It’s jarring at first, because Star Wars has always been about classic themes and music, but I actually, kinda dug it. It energizes certain scenes and, again, separates it from the live action films. Something that hasn’t changed is the droid humor. In fact, it’s played up even more in Clone Wars, so if you hated it before, this movie will only deepen your disgust. It’s a strange balance, because it makes them less threatening, yet we see a high number of clone troopers killed by droids. It’s hard to be both funny and deadly, but the movie seems to want it both ways.
The second half plays more like a Star Wars movie. All the familiar characters are in place (The Cantina Band’s sax player really shines), there are showdowns between good and evil, and, of course, the Wilhelm scream is employed. This is where the story gains footing, and we get to see Dooku, Skywalker, and Kenobi do what they do best.
Clone Wars is highly entertaining and retains the spirit of Star Wars, but doesn’t carry the weight of the live action movies. There’s just not that much at stake. Since we know the outcome of the major characters, there’s little wiggle room for surprises. That said, the CG is beautiful, the voice acting is spot on, and there are a ton of cool moments to discover. As a movie, it might be missing some depth, but The Clone Wars is a great intro to the TV show, and if the quality is this good week-to-week, I’ll never miss an episode.
That’s right folks. I mentioned it on Sticky Floor Friday, and it’s actually happening. Sometime in the next few days, I’ll be seeing Clone Wars, and as soon as I do, I’ll share my experience here. I’ve always been a spoiler-free site, so I’ll most likely give the broad strokes of what to expect, how it stacks up against the movies and previous Clone Wars cartoons, and if it’s a worthy entry into the Star Wars canon. Even if there’s a gag order, I’ll do my best to let you know what I thought without getting into too much detail. Check back this weekend!
Okay, this isn’t quite the casting I was expecting for Inglorious Bastards. Years ago, when Tarantino was tossing around names for his dream cast, I would expect to hear “Roth” somewhere in the mix. As in Tim Roth. Imagine my surprise when it was announced that some other Roth guy was announced to be a part of Inglorious Bastards. Eli Roth.
I’ve learned not to question Tarantino’s casting, but this has me cocking my head and whispering, “Are ya sure about that?” Eli Roth has been cast in Inglorious Bastards. Eli Roth, who has yet to direct a good movie, but apparently can talk a good enough game to get financing and trailer quotes from Peter Jackson. You may recognize Eli Roth The Actor from Deathproof, where he played a dick in a bar. He mugs almost as bad as Tarantino in front of the camera, and I’ve gotta assume since Tarantino (hopefully) won’t be in this movie, he gave Roth the role he would normally take. I understand they’re friends and Roth has a natural way with words, but aren’t there other actual actors out there who can take on this role?
The second bit of casting news announced in the past few days was that Ryan The Intern would also be a part of the movie. It’s crazy to think B.J. Novak will be in a Quentin Tarantino movie. No doubt he’s a talented guy. Not only is he an actor on The Office, but he also writes and produces for the show. So, I think this will be a fun guy to watch, but again, it’s not like we’re seeing a crazy announcement like, Stallone jumping on board.
Hey, at least we’ve got Brad Pitt, right? What do you think? Eli Roth and B.J. Novak standing toe to toe with Tyler Durden??
Pineapple Express steamrolled the Wednesday box office, packing $12.5 million into its pipe and smoking the competition, according to Variety. This isn’t very surprising, since audiences have been craving comedies this summer, and there’s been nothing until just a few weeks ago when Step Brothers was released. For whatever reason, studios feel August is the funniest month, because there are always a ton of comedies released. This month sees no less than 6 comedies for people to choose from. (Disaster Movie not included. File that under “Tragedy”). So it seems the combo of Seth Rogen, James Franco, Judd Apatow, and gigantic bags of weed is a winner. By the way, Dark Knight pulled in $5 million Wednesday. Looks like its reign at the top will end this weekend. Who’d have thought Batman would be taken down by a couple of potheads?
