Hey there. How was your weekend? Mine was filled with revelations. See, the weekend is generally the time I watch the most movies and television, usually compiling a list in my head of notes and observations that would otherwise go unheard. Aren’t you lucky?
Revelation #1: We’re In The Midst of Something Special
Surprise, surprise, another item about Batman. With The Dark Knight sailing past $300 million over the weekend faster than any movie in history, we are witnessing something very special at the box office. A perfect storm of great reviews, repeat customers, and most importantly, a truly great movie is turning this into a summer to remember. Think about this. Dark Knight just hopped over Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’s total, and Indy’s been kicking around for 67 days. It took Batman around 10. Will it beat Titanic, the top grossing movie ever? Not likely, but it could easily tickle the 2nd place Star Wars total of $460 million. Who knows, the way things are going, it could hit $400 million by next weekend. As a fan of movies, I savor these moments, where we get to see a film phenomenon penetrate pop culture, to the point where the Sunday showing I was at this weekend was sold out and specked with more than a few blue hairs. Freakin’ grandmas are going to see The Dark Knight! Probably makes you feel really bad if you haven’t seen it yet. And even worse when I tell you this was my third time seeing it. Well, it may just make you feel bad for me. I assure you I have a life, but it mostly revolves around movies.
Look, this is a very cool thing happening, and it’s made infinitely cooler by the fact that this is not a happy, feel-good summertime movie. This is a dark, gritty, dare I say thought provoking film that has no business racking up repeat and three-peat viewers. An interesting debate is how much Heath Ledger’s death has to do with the success. In my opinion, it boosted the opening weekend, but now people are going for the performance, and the insane word of mouth. There’s no way Heath Ledger’s death will be responsible for the long legs this movie has. It’s his performance. I’m having a great time watching the numbers rise on The Dark Knight. Enjoy the ride!
Revelation #2: Bank Job is a Fine Way to Spend a Couple Hours
I’m realizing this site could very easily turn into A) A Dark Knight fansite or B) A Jason Statham Tribute Page. Even though he only throws about 6 punches (and a brick) in The Bank Job, Statham holds down a solid movie by playing a grinder just looking to get ahead. He ends up being fairly crafty, and makes The Bank Job much more fun than its generic title. I also noticed something else. Statham grew his hair out just a bit for this movie, giving men with bald spots hope that they too can one day be cool.
Revelation #3: X-Files. Told Ya No One Cared
$10 million dollars this weekend. Damn. X-Files got spanked in the theaters, to no one’s surprise. I don’t want to say I told you so, because it was a pretty easy guess. Part of me feels bad. I like David Duchovny, and the X-Files was GIGANTIC back in the day. My dad even owns collector Mulder and Scully Barbie and Ken giftset (sounds gay, but look at how much it’s going for on Amazon) along with, like, 20 VHS tapes of various seasons we got him for Christmas. Thank god for DVDs. And that right there, what’s on my dad bookshelf, is more interesting than the new X-Files movie.
Revelation #4: Choosing Entrance Music is a Difficult Decision
So my brother is getting married this weekend, and he asked me to pick some entrance music for when I’m announced at the reception. He only gave me about two weeks to think about this. Personally, I think he should have given me at least eight months. Six to go through every song in the world, and two months to ponder whether I made the right decision. Choosing your own entrance music is both a blessing and a curse. You have one shot to embody yourself in a song, to give everyone an idea of who you are within about 30 seconds. What song do you pick? Do you go funny? Poignant? Ironic? Serious? For instance, I love Lionel Richie (ironically AND seriously), but he would make for terrible entrance music. I love Nine Inch Nails, but my grandma who once told me my short film from college contained “subjects that should be saved for the bedroom,” would probably disown me. (And by the way, I didn’t make a porno, but the short did have sex/nudity. In the doggy-style position. What’s so wrong with that, Grandma??)
This is important. If you choose poorly, people will be disappointed and forget about you. If you go too serious, you run the risk of overpowering the bride and groom when they have their first dance to “Unforgettable.” Blah. Who wants to be serious anyway? Now, you may think I’d do something like the Star Wars Disco, but alas, my older brother already snatched it up. Yes, my Nerd genes run deep in the family. In the end, I decided on California Love by 2Pac, because it gets people fired up, and it matches my personality. I’m the “California brother,” and even though it’s rap, it much easier for my grandma to take than some doggy-style swingin’ boobs.
So the big question is, what’s your perfect entrance music? Have you thought about this before? You should have. Let me know!
Hugh Jackman made a surprise appearance at Comic-Con today, busting out the trailer for Wolverine Origins. Apparently the trailer showed off somewhere around 30 villains, from Deadpool to The Blob to, er, Beak. Gambit was also revealed in the trailer. No word on whether Wolvie cries in the trailer, but you can read all the details over at Slashfilm!
It was just announced that Peter Berg, coming off the success of Hancock, will direct a new Hercules movie. I’m gonna go on record and say this is a mistake. It would be impossible to live up to the standards set by all previous Hercules movies and TV shows. Think about the greats who have filled the sandals of the mighty Herc! Luckily, with the wonders of YouTube, you don’t have to think about it, just take a look:
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Hercules fights a bear in Central Park!
Lou Ferrigno
Hercules Throws A Bear Into Outer Space!
Kevin Sorbo
He may not have thrown a bear, but oh my god he did this:
Quite a legacy to live up to. An English-challenged, bear-fightin’, banjo jammin’ Greek hero. Good luck, Peter Berg!
Forget Weekend Revelations! Today it’s all about The Dark Knight! If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s probably best you don’t read this post yet. While the site is generally spoiler-free, the movie is already out in theaters, so you’re on your own, pal!
Revelation #1: The Dark Knight Itself is a Revelation
Nothing I say can really add much to all the positive reviews out there for this movie. Simply put, it is great. It’s probably much better than any comic movie ever should be, and the record-breaking box office numbers are proof that even people who don’t like comic book movies are getting out there to see this movie. Perhaps some are seeing it out of morbid curiosity, but that curiosity vanishes once you’re sucked into the story. I get the Heat references (it opens with a bank robbery! The good guy and bad guy sit down for a chat!), I get The Godfather references (intercut tragedies!). There’s a realism to Dark Knight that doesn’t exist in comic book movies. Take away the guy in the bat costume and you’ve got a movie about a crazy criminal. But there’s one big difference between this movie and the previous classics mentioned: In The Dark Knight, the characters we’re following are the good guys. The Corleone family is essentially out for themselves. They steal and murder, and their deaths and tragedies are expected/deserved. Sure you have an emotional attachment to them, but in the end, they choose to live a life that isn’t known for its retirement plan. In The Dark Knight, we’re watching good people forced into gut-wrenching moral decisions, making it all the more tragic when they fall.
There are themes in this movie not previously touched on in comic book movies, and now that these ideas are out there, it makes comic films that came before it seem trite. Oh, poor Spider-Man can’t get the girl because he’s a superhero? Awwwww. Superman is sad that the girl he loves is getting married? Tough shit. Batman’s girlfriend is surrounded by 30 oil drums, and he was just given the wrong address! His moral code is costing the lives of innocent people, but in order to break his code he’d have to take the life of another human being, forever corrupting his values.
This movie is a wicked kick in the face to comic book movies. You can be cartoony, punny, loud, and dumb, or you can aspire to something more. Much, much more!
Revelation #2: The Joker Could Be The Best Villain Ever
This really shouldn’t be a revelation. The Joker is already one of the best comic book villains created. But played here, with no backstory, with no motivations other than anarchy, he finally becomes something truly fearful and realistic. Nicholson’s Joker seems downright silly now. In fact, every single Batman villain that came before Ledger’s Joker is a joke. Also, compare Eckhardt’s Two-Face with Tommy Lee Jones, and you’ll get a clear idea of how this movie is striving for something so much more. Back to the Joker. Not only is the performance memorable and chameleon-like (just try seeing Heath Ledger past the paint and greasy hair), but it raises the stakes of the movie to incredible heights. This is someone Batman can’t comprehend, therefore he doesn’t know how to battle him. As smart as Bruce Wayne is, he follows a clear line: Criminals aren’t complicated. The Joker throws that principle out the window, not giving Batman leverage on anything.
Any time the Joker is on the screen, the movie lights up. Every scene with him is memorable. Watch him exit the hospital and be disappointed/confused that his explosion didn’t go off the way he wanted. Watch when he asks the cop if he wants to know which of his friends were cowards. Watch the disappearing pencil trick. Watch the eerie final conversation, where Nolan skillfully flips the camera on a hanging Joker, making him seem weightless, floating out in space. There’s something haunting about it.
Revelation #3: No, This Movie Isn’t Perfect!
For all the praise, it’s easy to gloss over some of the movie’s confusing moments. For instance, why did Gordon fake his own death? Was he preparing for this for a while? How did he know for sure there would be an attempt on the Mayor’s life, and how did he know he’d be the one to save him? Why would he put his family through such a tragedy? Was it a plan to capture the Joker? If so, why would Jim Gordon be the only guy who could exit a truck and rest a shotgun on the Joker’s neck? If there was a little setup before this happened, it may have made more sense, but it almost comes off like a cheap pop. Then, you’re so excited that he’s back, you forget to ask why he left in the first place. Yeah! Gordon’s not dead! Wait, why did he f–, ooh, the Joker’s in jail. Let’s watch!
Second, Harvey Dent sure turned quickly. One moment he’s the symbol of unflappable justice, the next moment, he’s given a speech and a gun by the Joker and he’s off threatening children. Seems like a big leap. I understand his sadness for Rachel and his face, but refusing treatment and skin grafts? Come on buddy. That’s unsightly! It’s necessary for Dent to fall, but I feel like it could have been more of a slow burn.
Third, the action is still confusing. Batman Begins suffered from the same problem. Any time Batman is cleaning up a bunch of thugs, it’s all close ups, darkness, and flying limbs. You don’t get a clear sense of what’s happening, and if that’s the point, they succeeded. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. Also, the climactic ending could have done without the Daredevil-like sonar system. It would have been just as effective if Morgan Freeman was like, “There’s some guys to your left.”
Revelation #4: This movie is not that violent. But it’s extremely suggestive.
A lot of people are saying this movie should have been rated R. It shouldn’t have. When you go back and watch it, you’ll realize there’s very little violence aside from Batman punching people. The pencil trick, the “Why So Serious” knife speech, all these things happen off screen. And maybe this is a product of the confusing action I just referred to, but it doesn’t take away from the deadliness of the Joker. Okay, I’ll admit that Two-Face is pretty disgusting, and Eric Roberts falling on his legs hurts, and there are a few exploding bodies, and Batman’s punches on the Joker are pretty brutal, and, er…
Revelation #5: This Movie is Violent.
I change my mind.
Having seen Dark Knight twice already, I would be a fool not to proclaim it my favorite comic book movie of all time, upending Spider-Man 2 and X-Men 2. It has truly set a gold standard for what you can accomplish in a summer film while still entertaining and providing applause-worthy moments. This is it, folks. The best movie of the summer, possibly of the year. I only have one more question…
I also believe this is a great movie that’s already been praised to death by everyone. That praise is earned. Go see it and join the chorus. We’ll talk afterwards.
There are brief glimpses of footage in there, but my favorite part has to be when the static from the video mimics the Terminator theme, then transforms into the actual theme. Also, gotta love the John Connor VO. Come on McG! Prove us wrong!
I don’t disguise my love for Jason Statham. Sure, his role choices are uneven (Yay for Crank! Boo for In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale!) but The Bank Job uses the reliable combination of Statham and sneaky heists. (Admit it, The Italian Job was fun). Who doesn’t love a good swindle? Plus, look at that coat!
Revelation #1: Hellboy II Proves Why Comic Book Sequels Are Always Better Than The Original
As part of my ongoing nerd duty, I saw Hellboy II this weekend. As expected, it was an innovative joy ride and the reason I love comic book sequels. If you read the site on a regular basis, you know I’m not the biggest fan of origin stories. I find them a necessary evil. They need to exist to introduce the audience to a comic book backstory, but they’re very cookie cutter and don’t often leave enough room for interesting villains, or much else for that matter. Hellboy II wastes very little time with back story. We get a 10 minute intro setting up the rest of the movie, and then we’re off. Del Toro has too much new stuff to show us, so he doesn’t bother with the history lessons. Another thing that’s so successful about this sequel is that we’re not wallowing in the pitfalls of superhero-dom. No one’s crying about great power and great responsibility. No one wishes they were just normal. These are heroes who embrace their gifts, and their emotions depend on character interaction. Take, for instance, the moment when Hellboy goes public. If this were Spider-Man, the entire movie would hinge on this story — most likely Aunt May and Mary Jane would be in danger because Spider-Man’s identity was revealed. Here, Hellboy embraces his stardom, and when it doesn’t quite work out, it’s simply added motivation for his character. Sure he’s pissed that people don’t love him, but does he wallow in it? No! He gets drunk and sings love songs. The story here is too big to get trapped in those comic book conventions, and it’s much more interesting to see Hellboy and his girlfriend work through their problems than seeing Hellboy wishing he was just like everyone else.
Revelation #2: Tooth Fairies Are Frightening!
There are a ton of new, visually stunning characters in the new Hellboy (if you haven’t heard yet, the Troll Market scene is like the Mos Eisley Cantina on steroids), but one new character is particularly nasty. It’s the Tooth Fairy. The Tooth Fairies show up early in the movie, but long after it ended, I was still thinking about them. Let’s just say they have a taste for teeth, and their chewing sounds like tiny little circular saws. They’re a nasty twist on the whole, “Tiny Attacking Bugs” scene that populates so many movies, and just one of, like, a thousand crazy beasts in the Hellboy universe.
Revelation #3: Aliens Vs. Predator Requiem Is An Effective Movie — If the Effect Was To Officially Destroy Two Franchises At Once
I finally got around to watching AVPR, which has been sitting on my coffee table since 5/22. (I think Netflix displays their shipping dates just to shame you when you realize how long you’ve had a movie and haven’t actually watched it.) I was dreading the experience, even though the red band trailer looked promising, practically screaming, “We’ve atoned for the PG-13 sins of AVP! We swear!!” I had reason to be wary. AVP was a mess, taking two successful R-rated franchises, jamming them in the studio meat grinder, and squeezing out a convoluted, PG-13 turd. Somehow that movie made enough money to warrant a sequel, but it created enough fanboy frustration that the studio allowed the next movie to be rated R. So, they added a whole bunch of disposable characters, upped the gore quotient, had a pregnant woman give birth to a littler of aliens, and called it a day.
The movie is awful, spending a half hour developing characters we know are only there to serve as victims. Why do I care if the pizza delivery guy makes out with his lifelong crush when I’m positive she’s gonna get mounted on a wall by a Predator boomerang? The Predator/Alien fights seem like an afterthought. And not only that, you can’t see anything. The whole movie is drenched in so much darkness, it felt like I was wearing a veil. Everything is DARK. It’s not ATMOSPHERIC. It’s just fucking dark. You can’t see anything. What’s the point of making it R if you can’t see it? All those really cool deaths in the red band trailer are reduced to a murky blur. You’re constantly squinting to figure out whether that’s an alien, or a predator, or a predalien (Yes, there’s a predalien. No, it doesn’t do a goddamn thing). Neither Aliens or Predators had to be in this movie. It could have been any other threat to the humans, because that’s what the directors seemed interested in. It could have been an outbreak of a really bad whooping cough and the movie would have been the same. It reduced these two huge franchises to a subplot in a small town. It really was a depressing movie experience.
Revelation #4: Logical Sequel Naming Is Alien To This Franchise
By the way, how confusing is it to have a sequel to a spin-off of two different franchises? Not only that, but the titles don’t even match up. The first spin-off mash-up bull-shit was called Alien Versus Predator. Simple, straightforward. It’s fine. So the sequel should logically be called Alien Versus Predator 2, right? Wrong. It’s called Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem. Aliens? Why AlienS? Plural?? There was more than one Alien in the first movie, why is that one just Alien? And there was more than one Predator in the first one, so why isn’t that plural? If they’re really going to stick to this whole plural business, shouldn’t the first movie be called Aliens Vs. Predators? Who made the decision to add the S? Was it a decision at all, or did everyone just forget? Of course, this isn’t the first time the Alien franchise has fucked with its sequel names. Let’s take a look, shall we?
The first movie was called Alien. That made sense because there was only one alien. Off to a good start. The sequel was titled Aliens. This also made sense because there were a shit ton of aliens. But then, Alien 3 came along. And for whatever reason, the graphic looked like the movie was actually titled Alien To The Third Power. And that didn’t make any sense, because there was only one alien in the movie. And finally, there was Alien: Resurrection, which added a subtitle, but lost an S even though there are a bunch of aliens. Was the Aliens part of Aliens Versus Predator - Requiem a nod to the first sequel? If so, was the Requiem subtitle a nod to the third sequel? I get the feeling everything in AVPR was less of a nod and more of an epileptic spasm.
Revelation #5: OMG! The Dark Knight is the Godfather II of Comic Book Movies!!
Hey, have you heard? The Dark Knight is The Godfather II of Comic Book Movies?? That’s right. Only about 12 people have seen the movie so far, but it’s already being called The Godfather II of comic book movies. In fact, every time I hear The Dark Knight mentioned, I have to hear that it’s also the Godfather II of comic book movies. It hasn’t even come out yet! That doesn’t stop people from tossing out hyperbole though. And why is anyone surprised? There are 200 comic book movies a year, eventually one of them had to transcend the genre and just be considered “great” without adding “for a comic book movie” as qualifier. By the way, can you build up expectations any more than calling something The Godfather II of its field?? “Oh, you have a bad back? You should see Dr. Smith. He’s like the Godfather II of chiropractors.” “I’m totally drafting Peyton Manning on my fantasy team this season. He’s the Godfather II of the Manning Brothers.” “You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch. It’s the Godfather II of brothels.” Of course, the implication of Godfather II means that while it’s great, it’s also got a dark side. So it’s more like, ‘You should definitely go to the Bunny Ranch, easily the Godfather II of brothels. It’s the best lay of your life, but you’ll probably walk out with a disease.”
