I want to thank Nicholas Bunker for the heads up on this video, which has been out for a while, but was only brought to my attention the past week. If you’ve ever heard Pearl Jam’s “Yellow Ledbetter” you probably know that, while the song is great, the lyrics are completely incomprehensible. Luckily, this video clears up a few things. Make me fries.
My “South Park” reviews usually generate a ton of hits from web site searches, but sometimes the traffic coming in isn’t quite my target audience. Take, for instance, last night’s recap of SP. I made the mistake of mentioning the minor detail of Randy’s ‘Japanese girls puking on each other’ fetish. As of noon today, I’ve had 70 visitors pop by looking for different variations of “Japanese puke porn.” So, for anyone looking for Japanese Puke porn, you won’t find it here. Sorry! I’m no stranger to luring weirdos to my sites for my own amusement, but I also know people looking for fucked up shit aren’t going to stop and read a South Park review when they need to get their rocks off to a couple of hermaphrodites having sex with lawn furniture.
And yes, I realize that by further mentioning Japanese girls puking, it will only bring more oddball traffic to the site. What can I say? I have a stat fetish.
By the way, the title of this post is a reference to the episode, not an admission of any problems this author may have. I swear! This week’s South Park was a perfect example of a great idea being funnier than the overall execution. The episode, titled “Over Logging”, brought to light South Park’s obsession with the internet, Mr. Garrison’s subtle assertion of masculinity, and Randy’s love of Brazilian fart porn. It centers on the idea that we are now completely dependent on the internet for all information, and would be lost without it.
At the Marsh household, Stan, Randy, and Shelly are all wasting time on the net, while Sharon tells them all it’s time for bed. It was nice to see Shelly return. I can’t remember if she’s been featured in an episode since she dated Skylar back in Season 3. Before anyone can finish what they’re doing (especially Randy, who’s intent on watching some porn before bed) the internet goes down, leaving the family confused. They go to Kyle’s house to use their internet, but they’re having the same problem. Turns out all of South Park’s internet is down, and they’ve gathered in the street to talk about it. Mr. Garrison’s in the crowd, and this elicits a laugh from me because he’s dressed in a robe and holding a pipe — just what a man who used to be a woman who is now a man again would wear to feel more masculine.
8 days later, the family is still without internet access. Randy is sick, but can’t figure out what’s wrong because he can’t go on Web MD. When they finally can’t take it anymore, the Marsh family packs up and heads out West, the “Californee Way.” I laughed at “Californee” the first few times, but it wore itself out after a little while. At this point, the episode switches to black and white. There’s a whole section where they stop and sing a song with other folks looking for the internet, and say Californee a bunch of times. I think it’s a reference to “Grapes of Wrath” but I really just found myself hoping for a big payoff. And it did come. Literally.
When Randy and the family make it to Silicon Valley, the internet is being rationed out at a campsite in 40 second increments. Randy pulls aside a Red Cross worker and tells him he hasn’t jacked off in two weeks and really needs to, but can’t do it out in the open. When he’s pushed aside, Randy clenches his balls in agony. Some sketchy guys notice and lure him into the internet porn simulator, which is a brilliant idea. Basically, it’s a cardboard box that looks like a computer. You sit down and tell it what you want, then someone draws a picture and holds it up. There’s just something funny about Randy driving all the way to California to look at a fake internet when he could have easily just picked up a Playboy at home. Regardless, he just can’t get aroused by the poorly drawn versions of Japanese girls puking on each other, and the struggle continues.
At the same time, the government is trying to communicate with the internet, which is just a router located in a bunker somewhere. There’s a funny Close Encounters of the Third Kind reference, but other than that, this part of the episode lacks punch. The climax (yep) comes (uh huh) when Randy breaks into the room they store the internet at night and downloads all the sick porn he can possibly think of. Japanese girls puking on each other, elephant bestiality, but surprisingly, no 2 girls, 1 cup. Randy starts making ridiculously loud noises that wake up the entire camp. They think he’s being attacked by an animal, so they bust in and find him completely covered in his own spunk. (When was the last time you heard spunk, by the way?) I mean, it’s ridiculous. All over the walls, the computer, Randy’s entire body. He starts making up excuses about ghosts coming in and sliming him, and it’s easily the best moment of the episode.
Somehow Kyle figures out how to fix the internet, so he goes down to the bunker, unplugs the router, then plugs it back in. Problem solved. It’s funny because it’s true! Well, it’s true anyway. Like I said, this storyline was kind of bland. The episode ends with Randy dressed in a weird Indian outfit giving a speech about responsible internet use. It took some research to find out what they were referencing (On Deadly Ground?) and I’m not sure how it was relevant to this episode. Overall, taking a shot at our internet dependency is funny, and seeing Randy Marsh covered in ejaculate is damn funny, but it took a while to get to the big joke at the end, and funny in concept doesn’t always translate to funny in execution. Now get off the internet and live your lives!
South Park “Over Logging” Review: 2 Japanese Puking Girls Out of 5
Over at Dark Horizons, they’ve uncovered the running times for both Indiana Jones and The Dark Knight, which are 140 minutes and 165 minutes respectively. So Indy will be almost 2 1/2 hours, and Batman’s gonna be 15 minutes shy of the first two Lord Of The Rings movies.
So the big question has been, is this good or bad for both movies? I guess it depends. For an initial viewing in the theater, I have no problem watching Indiana Jones battle aliens (or whatever it’s going to be) for a couple hours. Batman Begins was actually 140 minutes long and it’s a fantastic, compelling movie for its duration. I can’t imagine why you would need a 3 hour Batman movie, but again, for a theater experience, it’s worth the price of admission. But I will cite Superman Returns as an action movie that, while enjoyable, overstayed its welcome at 154 minutes. I remember my initial excitement waning as the movie went on, until it felt like a chore to finish up the story. I don’t want that to happen with Batman.
My bigger concern is actually something we won’t have to worry about for another 4 months — Home viewing. It’s a lot easier for me to pop in a movie with a slim 90 minute running time than a 160 minute epic. I’ve only watched Superman Returns once since I saw it in theaters, even though I own two copies (don’t ask). It’s just too damn long to sit through, and I hate turning off a movie halfway through. I guess the bigger question is whether these popcorn flicks should exceed 2 hours. Hell, Transformers was 2 1/2 hours, for God’s sakes. Even slick, mindless entertainment tends to be bloated. Batman is essentially a story of a man on a path of vengeance. I feel like we know him enough that we don’t need to spend Titanic-length time with him. Let’s just hope for Indy and Bruce Wayne’s sake that bigger is better.
Juno is a fantastic follow-up to Jason Reitman’s first film, Thank You For Smoking. I LOVE that movie, so I was excited to see Juno. I know the weird soundtrack and out of place dialogue will scare some people away, but it’s definitely worth your time. It’s well-acted, snappy, and has some really interesting character arcs. If that’s not enough, the prospect of an “Arrested Development” family reunion between Michael Bluth and son (Jason Bateman and Michael Cera) should have you signing in to Netflix immediately. To be fair, sadly, they don’t share a scene together, but just knowing they’re a few minutes of film apart is good enough for me.
VERDICT: RENT IT!
Aliens Vs. Predator - Requiem
Predator is one of the greatest action/sci-fi movies of all time. Aliens is one of the greatest action/sci-fi movies of all time. Apparently, two positives equal a soul-sucking, Black Hole negative. As a nerd, I’ll see this, because the trailer did show a lot of heads exploding. I recommend everyone else stick to the classics.
VERDICT: TAKE TWO TVs, PLACE THEM SIDE BY SIDE, PUT PREDATOR ON ONE TV, ALIENS ON THE OTHER, AND CROSS YOUR EYES.
In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Hey, look! Movies that I previewed on Sticky Floor Friday are starting to come out on DVD! I didn’t want to see this back then, and I don’t want to see it now. Not even a healthy dose of unshaven Statham can convince me. By the way, I’m taking those flames at the bottom of the DVD as a go-ahead to torch all copies of this movie.
Hey, did you know the Apatow Comedy Train is making another stop in theaters this Friday? Of course you did! The real question is, will you be heading to the station, or leaving it to get murdered by a crazy hobo drifter stowed away in the luggage car? Forgetting Sarah Marshall is almost here, but the only thing anyone seems to talk about is the marketing. Is this another case of Snakes on a Plane, where people are more interested in the concept than the actual movie? Or will the combination of clever ads, Apatow’s golden touch, and the promise of Jason Segel full-frontal bring in the crowds?
I’m an Apatow devotee. I think “Freaks and Geeks” was one of the greatest things to happen to television. I can watch 40-Year-Old Virgin every single time I see it on HBO. I was happy to see Seth Rogen break out in Knocked Up, and marveled at Michael Cera’s line-delivery in Superbad. And now, with Sarah Marshall, we get another “Freaks” alumni hoisted to stardom by doing what he does best: moping. Jason Segel is on my short list of great mopers (A list that also includes Paul Giamatti, Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz, and Eeyore).
Everything I’ve heard so far indicates this movie will be hilarious. It’s got a simple, relatable, high-concept story. It’s bloated with Apatow’s stable of reliable actors, including Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, and Bill Hader. And if that’s not enough, they also throw in a few nerd commodities like Kristen Bell and Michael Bluth himself, Jason Bateman. They’re really stacking the deck in the fan’s favor, but for some reason I can’t get fired up.
I think there are two major factors preventing people from getting excited about Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The first is that they don’t want to see someone cry over his ex for an hour and a half. It’s hard to lure people in with a sad sap main character. Seth Rogen worked in Knocked Up because he was juvenile, not sad. Steve Carrell worked in Virgin because he was sweet and innocent, not sad about his state in life. Forgetting Sarah Marshall forces viewers to experience the pain of a break-up, similar to, well, The Break-Up. That was two hours of pain; bitter people forgoing laughs to just yell at each other. I think Sarah Marshall will be smarter than that, but I’m afraid it will drive people away before they give it a chance.
The second, and (most damning) factor is the trailer’s similarity to last year’s comedic equivalent of a death-row execution - The Heartbreak Kid. The vacation setting, the wacky characters running into each other, and the promise of some shock comedy draw comparisons to that horrible, horrible movie. I wish I could erase that abomination from my mind. Maybe my feelings towards Sarah Marshall would change.
I’ve talked to a few people who are equally ‘blah’ in their anticipation for this movie. This movie might be hilarious, but four days before its release, I almost want to exchange my ticket for another destination (Had to bring back the train analogy, didn’t I?). Am I wrong to feel this way?
When I first moved out to Los Angeles almost six years ago, I made a birthday celebration video for my dad, showing off my fantastic apartment and the indulgent lifestyle of Hollywood elite. This is that video.
