Only one movie to talk about this week. Even though it came out in December of last year, I’m proclaiming it the best movie of 2008 as well. It’s simply the most fun you’ll ever have.
Alvin and the Chipmunks
I may catch flack for this, but I don’t care. Alvin and the Chipmunks really hit me somewhere special when I saw it in the theater. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a surprise party. You walk in expecting nothing, and then bam! All of a sudden, your old friends are standing in front of you with balloons, cake, and hilarious jokes to tell. The movie seamlessly blends live-action actors like Jason Lee (in his best performance since Chasing Amy) and David Cross (who has never been funny until this movie) with CG-created chipmunks Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. Did you know Alvin was voiced by Justin Long? It’s so great, because even though his voice is pitched up way high, it still retains Long’s trademark sense of humor and attitude. The songs are infectious, catchy, and surprisingly well-written. In fact, I went out and bought the soundtrack immediately after the movie. My favorite song is their rendition of “Funkytown.” Seriously, if I ever take a trip to Funkytown, I want to be escorted by three high-pitched chipmunks. Pick up this zany romp immediately. Aside from being a chuckle carnival, it’s got surprising depth for a children’s movie.
THE VERDICT: Buy two copies and sleep with one under your pillow to gain additional awesomeness through osmosis!
That’s it. The only movie (that matters) coming out on April 1st.
Well, I took my own advice and had Netflix rush a copy of The Mist to my apartment. By the way, when I say Netflix rushes copies to my place, I’m not kidding. Seriously, they’re insane. Sometimes I send out a movie in the morning, they’re ready to ship me another one that night. These things come faster than I can fall through coffee tables.
So The Mist came in and I was prepared to enjoy a nice little horror experience. As I stated on DVD Tuesday, I wanted to check out the Black and White version, but I’m an idiot. If you want to see the Black and White version, be sure to get the Bonus Disc! Color notwithstanding, I popped in the movie and, two hours and seven minutes later, was SHOCKED to find that there IS something in The Mist. It’s a pair of balls!
This is a horror movie that goes all out: It’s tense, bloody, and shockingly hopeless. It also does something that you just don’ t see in big studio movies. It rolls the dice on a controversial ending. Without giving too much away, this is an ending you’d expect from Night Of The Living Dead or The Thing (which gets a not-so-subtle nod in the opening scene). I would expect to find this as an “alternate ending” hidden on the DVD, and I couldn’t be happier. I have a tendency to complain about the PG-13 horror films, watered down retreads made acceptable for mass audience, and to see a movie like The Mist taking chances, it’s invigorating. People seem to forget that these are HORROR movies. They’re made to fill you with a sense of dread. This movie could have taken the easy way out. It didn’t. Whether you liked it or not, you’ve gotta admit it was ballsy.
If you haven’t guessed, I’m telling you to rent this thing immediately.
This is floating around out there as a giant file, so I thought I’d shrink it down for anyone too impatient to load the big’un. Not much new footage, aside from the first 10 seconds. But it’s fun to see Indy as a grumpy old man.
This is one of the best uses of Will Arnett since Arrested Development. Don’t play this around children, unless you want to answer lots of awkward questions. I wasn’t sure about Human Giant at first, but the second season is growing on me. Anyone else?
The last two weeks have revealed a stingy Nerd, withholding recommendations and keeping everyone from going to the movies. Will this week be any different? Ugh. Barely.
Welcome back to what has become a weekly occurrence here at Nerd With Words: The South Park Review. This week’s episode played out like a classic from Season 3, or maybe the cat plot just reminded me of Cat Orgy. Either way, this was the best episode of the season, avoiding the shaky “messages” from the previous two weeks. Plus, Matt and Trey once again prove you can never go wrong with a bunch of boobs.
Now that we’re in season 12, the show sometimes strays too far from its stable of supporting characters and settings, but this episode gets back to basics and it feel surprisingly fresh. It opens in the classroom with the kids getting a lecture from Mr. Mackey. Mackey runs down a list of all the things kids can do to get high, such as choking each other out, and getting sprayed in the face with cat urine. He gives a little too much detail on the cat urine high, so naturally the kids want to try it. They go back to Cartman’s house and use Mr. Kitty and Kenny as guinea pigs to see if it works. The cat marks its territory right in Kenny’s face and he’s sent off, cheesing balls. By the way, that cat spray was hilarious. Got a huge pop from my side of the couch. And now the episode is off and running, because Kenny’s just been hurled into the movie “Heavy Metal.”
Now, I may be a Nerd, but I freely admit I’ve never seen “Heavy Metal.” Everything I know from Heavy Metal, I gleaned from the poster and the trailer above. There are lots of animated boobs. And that’s pretty much all you need to appreciate their spoof of it. I love that cartoon characters who get high on South Park are sent to another cartoon style. It’s a great touch that someone on drugs might point out while watching the show. I’m totally sober. I swear. Anyway, during his trip, Kenny’s in his personal heaven: surrounded by giant, bouncing boobs (much like when he got into heaven at the end of the South Park movie). When he comes to, Kenny is trying to take his clothes off in the middle of town, and the boys are obviously concerned.
Next, we get a news package reporting kids getting high from concentrated cat urine. They dub it “cheesing” and I can guarantee I’m not the only one who Googled it after this episode. Gerald, Kyle’s dad, plans to outlaw all cats in town in an attempt to cut the problem off at its source. But since Cartman loves Mr. Kitty so much, he hides him in the attic, Anne Frank-style. This subplot carries through the episode, with Cartman harboring more and more kitties. The only problem I have with it is that it’s a little out of character for Cartman to care about anything, let alone stray cats. His love of Hitler is well documented, which means his love of Mr. Kitty is bigger than his hatred of Jews.
The last half of the episode deals with Kyle’s parents finding a cat he took from Kenny. There’s a great sight gag of the cat in a ziploc bag, as if it were any other drug. Kyle’s dad ends up taking it in the basement and getting cheesed himself. At the same time, Cartman goes up to the attic to drop off another kitty, only to find Kenny cheesing on all the hidden cats. The climax comes when Gerald and Kenny enter “Heavy Metal” combat to see who caresses some “awesome bewbage.” At this point, the amount of animated breasts is so over the top, even the men, buildings, and weaponry are covered in boobs. In reality, they’re fighting half-naked in a sandbox with the whole town watching. As Gerald apologizes, we get a nice Eliot Spitzer press conference reference and find out that Kenny has moved on to another drug. Remember kids, addicts will always find a way to get high!
By sticking with a simple storyline, “Major Boobage” was easily the strongest episode of South Park this season, and reminded me that they don’t have to stray too far from town to have an interesting story. You know, only to a cartoon from 1981. Seriously though, you really can’t argue against an episode overrun with rockin’ tits and cat piss.
South Park Major Boobage Review: 6 Arbitrary Bouncing Boobs Out Of 6
I just read this story linked from AOL’s Main Page about the latest “video game” causing controversy. This time, the game is “Miss Bimbo,” where the object is to dress like a slut, go on a crash diet, and get breast implants. This is just another in a long line of offensive, half-baked ideas meant to capitalize on shock. Also included in this category are JFK Reloaded, (the JFK assassination game), “Super Columbine Massacre RPG!” (the Columbine video game), and the “Mel Gibson Drunk Driving Game” which I happened upon during a little research. That last one, by the way, is on the Game Show Network’s official website.
These creations are completely offensive…to other video games! In fact, I don’t consider them “video games” at all. I’ve seen better gameplay on my old Casio Game Watch. Seriously, anyone with basic programming knowledge and a willingness to exploit a vile subject could put out one of these things. The problem is, outlets like AOL pick up the story and use broad statements like, “Video Game Causes Controversy!”, further damaging the reputation of gaming to the general public. Video games have enough controversy to battle without having some lame online game adding to the digital fire. I’ll say it again: These glorified flash animations with basic controls ARE NOT VIDEO GAMES!! They’re lightning rods used to gain recognition and ruffle feathers. Go ahead, condemn them as horrible influences on our children! I don’t care! But please, for the love of god, make the distinction between these FREE internet time-killers and actual video games that kids pay money for. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go play Grand Theft Auto and kill some hookers.
So I guess the Star Wars Saga is coming to Spike TV. In celebration, they’ve created some semi-amusing posters with those kinda lame “jokes for guys” that one would expect from Spike TV. Chewie? The original wingman? Just seems like a T-shirt you would find at Hot Topic. My personal favorite is the Vader poster, but I also like the unique approach to the bus stop poster.
Well, the No Country For Old Men Quiz is over. Check out the video to see who won! Here are the answers to the quiz, for those who were wondering. Don’t worry, the last two questions didn’t go against anyone’s score.
Q: Who Directed No Country For Old Men?
A: The Coen Brothers. Everyone got that right
Q: Who is the first person Anton Chigurh kills?
A: The police officer from a neighboring county
- A lot of people missed this one. In the beginning, he strangles the cop with his handcuffs. It’s bloody. I guess he kills so many people, it’s hard to remember which one was first.
Q: Why does Llewellyn Moss return to the desert in the middle of the night?
A: To bring some water to the shot up Mexican in the truck.
- Some people thought he was going back to kill the guy, but I doubt he would have filled a jug of water for no reason.
Q: What does Chigurh leave out on the table at Moss’s place?
A: Delicious milk.
- Bonus points to John Guerrieri for answering: “A glass quart of milk, which he drank out of, so Tommy Lee gets some of Chigurh’s backwash.” Good point.
Q: How does Chigurh track down Moss at the hotel/motel?
A: Transponder/transmitter/tracking device in the suitcase.
Q: Who does Llewellyn meet in the hospital? The actor’s name will do.
A: Woody Harrelson. I also accepted “the white man from White Men Can’t Jump.”
Q: Did you like the ending of this movie?
A: Most people did, although Zaphod didn’t enjoy seeing young boys getting paid to take their shirts off.
Q: What’s your favorite movie of all time? A: The Empire Strikes Back. That’s the correct answer.
Only one recommendation this week. There were a few movies on the fence, but I couldn’t bring myself to recommend a horror movie called “Shrooms” or “The Sasquatch Gang,” even though Carl Weathers is in it as a guy named Artimus Snodgrass. On second thought, I’m sure I’ll regret not recommending that one.
The Mist
Frank Darabont and Stephen King re-team for the first time since “The Green Mile,” and the result is “The Mist.” It’s a story about a bunch of people trapped in a grocery store by a crazy mist filled with beasts, and The Punisher is their only hope. Thomas Jane stars, not as The Punisher, but as a guy trying to stay alive with his son. Thomas Jane, by the way, is constantly in a three way tie with Nathan Fillion and Aaron Eckhart as the “Wait, which one is he?” guy.
This two-disc edition includes a black and white version, which Darabont says is his preferred cut of the film, and I like the idea of a contemporary black and white horror film. “The Mist” got a lot of positive reviews, especially for a Stephen King movie (”Dreamcatcher” anyone?), and it’s a throwback to survival classics like “The Thing.” But don’t quote me as saying this is as good as “The Thing.” Nothing can touch “The Thing.” I’m excited to catch this on DVD, especially the black and white director’s cut.
