Well, this was inevitable, but painfully aggravating regardless. In a continuing effort to rehash and destroy beloved horror franchises, New Line and Michael “I Can Do It Better!” Bay are digging up the charred corpse of Freddy Krueger for a remake of the original “Nightmare on Elm Street.”
The original Nightmare is a classic, and it spawned a few good sequels (Dream Warriors is sweet), but there’s no question that Freddy turned into an amateur hour stand-up comedian towards the end.
The real problem I have with all these remakes (Texas Chainsaw, The Hitcher, Halloween, Amityville, etc.) is that they are PURELY money-driven. There is no artistic redemption in these films because the originals are so ingrained in pop culture. They have achieved the height of artistry in the horror genre. Raping these franchises for “re-boots” has nothing to do with introducing it to a new audience, or pleasing fans, or even doing the series justice. It is ALL about money. Apparently original ideas are hard to come by, so Michael Bay figures, “Fuck this. Why not go right to the source??”
Because of this, I refuse to acknowledge these remakes. (Except “Dawn of the Dead,” which seems to be appreciated across the board for treading that fine line of innovation and imitation.)
By the way, Bay is also producing remakes of “The Birds” and “Friday the 13th.” God hates nerds.
It’s time again to see if there’s anything worth buying off the DVD shelf. Today brings one movie I can wholeheartedly tell you to pick up immediately!
The King of Kong
This is a great documentary that literally had people in the theater cheering. It’s a classic battle of good versus evil in the world of…video games!
The story: An average man named Steve Wiebe (Wee-bee!) attempts to break the Donkey Kong high score, but comes up against the hard-nosed record holder, Billy Mitchell. Billy was a professional gamer back when arcades were thriving. Now he makes barbecue sauce and says stuff like “Well, maybe they’d like it if I lose. I gotta try losing sometime.” Basically, he’s a prick, but he holds clout in the professional gaming realm. When Steve shows up to break the record, Billy does everything within his power (except showing up to defend his record, which is mysterious) to take down Steve. It all leads to an ending that, as I said earlier, had the audience going crazy.
Nerd’s Thoughts: This documentary has everything you would want in a movie. If you loved “American Movie,” this is right up your alley. It has a character you can root for, it’s got some really strange people populating it, and it is hilarious. This isn’t just for people who love video games. It’s for anyone who likes to root for the underdog. It’s for anyone who feels like they want to accomplish something with their life, no matter what that may be. This movie is endlessly entertaining.
Hollywood Reporter is, well, reporting that Guillermo Del Toro is in talks to direct the two Hobbit movies produced by Peter Jackson. In my opinion, this could turn out to be the best possible choice. Not only did Del Toro deliver “Hellboy” and “Pan’s Labyrinth,” but he’s a dead ringer for Peter Jackson during his Lord of the Rings days!
If you’ve seen “Pan’s Labyrinth,” you know Guillermo Del Toro has an amazing understanding of fantasy storytelling. The tone of his movies are a perfect fit for Middle Earth, and his use of visual effects is innovative and unique. Peter Jackson is still involved as the Executive Producer, and I’m sure that will help create a continuity between this and the Rings trilogy. But I love the idea of a new director coming in to put his spin on “The Hobbit,” to give it a fresh look.
What do you think? Del Toro, good choice? Or did you want Sam “I Hate Venom” Raimi? As excited as I was when the movies were first announced, I’m now officially out of my mind! Let’s settle this writer’s strike so this thing can get moving!!
Box Office Mojo’s Weekend Estimates have “Meet The Spartans” edging out “Rambo” in theaters by a mere $575,000 (MTS = $18,725,000, Rambo = $18,150,000). So close, and it could be closer when the actual numbers come out. Either way, this is pretty sad. If “Meet The Spartans” does hold the top spot, expect another movie exactly like this at the same time next year.
I really would have enjoyed seeing Rambo stick a blood-soaked boot up that movie’s ass, but certainly the RIDICULOUS amount of violence and hard R stopped that from happening. Maybe “Meet The Spartans” won because 13-year-olds were buying tickets to that and sneaking into Rambo. One can only hope. America’s youth should not be subjected to the horrors of awful, awful comedy.
By the way, when I saw Rambo, I counted. He turns 6,050,000 people into bologna bits in the final twenty minutes. They explode into three times as many body parts, which translates into $1 per severed appendage at the box office. Every action movie should use this formula.
Hey everyone, here’s a little Saturday comedy for ya! This is from Barats and Bereta, a couple of guys who consistently put out funny videos. It’s a little strange, but you can’t deny the comedy in that goofy smile.
Producers revealed the title of the new Bond movie today, and I doubt it will win much praise from nerds. The title, “Quantum of Solace,” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. It sounds like a sci-fi novel by a seventh grader with an overextended vocabulary. (The name actually comes from an Ian Fleming short story.)
The movie centers on Bond’s revenge mission after his betrayal in “Casino Royale.” So the title kinda make sense, essentially meaning ‘The Amount of Energy Required to Seek Comfort.’
They might as well just called it “A Kill For Revenge.”
I was looking around Rotten Tomatoes Thursday night, and I happened to click on the review page for “Rambo.” Now, normally when a movie hasn’t received at least 5 reviews, it’s rated “N/A” until enough reviews come in to properly gauge its freshness. But for some reason, Rambo’s already at -1%, and it hasn’t even been reviewed yet! Negative percentage! Is Rotten Tomatoes trying to sabotage John Rambo??
Although, if he’s negatively rotten, doesn’t that technically make him fresh? Is this a sly (hi there pun) reference to a franchise that has been dead so long, it’s finally fresh again?
Or does it possibly have something to do with that word “Beta” at the top of the page?
